I don’t want to do this anymore

This is a death sentence. I’m in hell for eternity. Rheumatologist canned my MTX injection I was supposed to get because she didn’t think I had any inflammation on my hands. My hands hurt. It all hurts. Thinking of jumping off a bridge soon. It’s been a good run with my life. But as a 22 year old male I can’t do this. I don’t know what the suicide rates must be fit autoimmune arthritis but I’d imagine they are huge.

I’m done being gaslighted. Having multiple x ray scans of nothing. In pain 24/7. I can’t live with polyarticular juvenile arthritis seronegative Anymore. There is no life to this. Only way out is death.

Goodbye