Interviewing My Husband Concerning My Psoriatic Arthritis

By Vickie Wilkerson

2 min read

It was recommended to me that I should interview my husband concerning my psoriatic arthritis and him being a caregiver. I found that intriguing. My husband and I have been together going on 14 years. Given that fact I thought I knew how he felt about my psoriatic arthritis. Apparently, I was wrong. I must admit that some of his answers really surprised me. I wouldn’t say it surprised me in a bad way. It was well thought out answers that apparently he had been feeling for some time.

He had no clue what I was going to ask in advance. I wanted his truthful answers to the questions even if it meant I didn’t like the answers. He was told as much. Here are the questions I asked and the answers William provided:

How does my husband feel about my psoriatic arthritis?

Do you fully understand what psoriatic arthritis is? I really don’t fully understand it, but I roll with the flow to help my wife.

How does it make you feel seeing your wife in pain? It hurts me too seeing her like that, but I know I have to do more to help around the house on days like that.

Do you worry about how bad it will get? Yes, I worry. I worry one day she may be crippled from it.

What do you hope the future looks like for her and as it pertains to you as a couple? First off, we will always be a couple. Secondly, whatever the future brings we just deal with it head on together.

As a caregiver what advice would you give to another caregiver? Do what you can to help when she needs you. However, also do other things you enjoy so that you don’t feel so bogged down with it all. If you enjoy working out in the yard, then go do that. However, remember to go in from time to time and check on her.

Any other thoughts? I would suggest you learn everything you can about psoriatic arthritis just as I intend to do. Don’t judge anyone who lives with psoriatic arthritis because other than the pain look on their face you cannot tell what is going on in their body. I can tell you that the people I have met that have psoriatic arthritis have some of the best hearts.

How do I view my husband's support?

As the one who suffers from psoriatic arthritis, I can say there are days I do okay but then there are days my body hurts so bad I can’t function. I am lucky in that I have a partner that can look at my face and know I am having a really bad day. It is on those occasions that he really steps up and looks out for me without my asking. It is not lost on me that many others don’t have that kind of support.

My hope is that other caregivers will read this and find some relevance in what my husband said. If they do, would you please comment below so I can let him know as well. If you have a comment about this article, I would love to hear them as well. Just comment below.

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Mary Lynn Member
 Vickie, this is a fabulous idea. My husband, like yours, is supportive. But I suspect there are things that he keeps to himself. It's a fact that my disease impacts his life. Thanks for sharing this. Caregivers or our support people are often overlooked. Surely they have fears and worries of their own.
Mylander63 Member
I love how you husband is so supporting. I can say I am also blessed with a great husband. At first he wasn't quite sure how to handle the PSA diagnosis. But in the last 6 months he started reading up on PSA and seems to have a even better understanding of flares, good days and yes even the bad or so so days. He goes with me to my appointments and is not afraid to ask questions. The only thing he says that he draws a line at is giving me injections. He says if he has to he will but luckily for him I can handle giving myself injections. ( He hates needles). So yes I am also blessed with a wonderful caring husband's. Maybe one day they should start a support group for PSA spouses, families and/or anyone else who can be considered a caregiver. So please give a 👍👍 to your husband.
1. ClairG Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Mylander63" user-id="4728206"/> I love the idea of a PSA spouse/partners support group. Gosh it sounds like your husband is making so much effort! I think that is so beautiful and supportive. I am so happy for you. - Clair (team member) 
2. Vickie Wilkerson Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Mylander63" user-id="4728206"/> thank you for responding. I did give the thumbs up to my husband. He was scared of this article being posted but he appreciated your response. He especially liked your comment about a support group for spouses and others. Please give your husband thumbs up as well from both my husband and myself. Vickie W., Team Member
Mylander63 Member
Thank you I will. It's such a great relief to have our spouses in our corner and willing to help if it's just verbal support at times.
Amore Member
Vickie, I hope I am responding in the right location to your "Interviewing my husband" article. I have difficulty knowing where to follow a conversation stream on this forum sometimes. Good article and ideas. My husband and I have been together for 33 years. He is the only part of my life that turned to be far better than the fantasy. I frequently say "the fantasy is better than the reality" regarding almost everything. My man proves this philosophy to be wrong. Here are his responses to your questionnaire: 1. Understanding of PsA: "I think I do." Note: in the beginning I frequently shared medical articles and info facts about it with him, and I am a highly communicative person using plenty of adjectives and verbs when describing how I feel - 'like I'm in a giant hug from a Sasquatch', or 'like my whole body is in a trash compactor'. 2. How he feels seeing me in pain: He feels badly about it and knows he has to do what i normally do to help around the house when he sees me struggling to walk. Note: Even when he's had a long day at work, comes home and does most of the evening chores, he still pets my neck and shoulders when we go to bed at night because he knows it helps me relax and ease the pain in those areas. He does this without "expectation of leading into greater intimacy and action" because he knows those days are over for me. PsA is most severe in my S/Is and hips with bone on bone, herniations, torn hip labrums, and sclerosis all the way around both iliums. No more action left without rendering me cripple. 3. Worrying about how bad it will get: He hasn't really thought about that. He hopes it will get better and believes it can because I do. I'm constantly adding new strategies, treatments, researching, finding answers, making lifestyle improvements, you name it. I try, and succeed most of the time, to be positive, accepting what is while at the same time making adjustments to improve my outcome. He sees that every day and believes in my ability to overcome obstacles. I've had many and with hard work, commitment to perseverance, always come out better for the efforts. I always say, "what doesn't break you makes you better and perspective is everything. Words I have lived by as long as he's known me." 4. The future: He accepts that our dreams of doing things together will have to be more spread out to give me recovery time and also modified to accommodate my physical limitations. 5. Caregivers: Just because you can't see it (the pain and fatigue source) doesn't mean it isn't there. Believe it and support it. Be ready to modify your plans of what you want to do because you have to take on more of the responsibilities your spouse would normally do. Dont have expectations of your suffering spouse, that puts pressure on them and makes them feel worse emotionally and physically. 6. He doesn't have any other thoughts on the subject that weren't covered by the other questions. Lastly, I think I'll write to the Pope to nominate my husband for sainthood. He is my life's greatest blessing, the one decision I definitely made right. I am so lucky and I wish all who read this the same.😌🙏 <inline-mention username="Vickie Wilkerson" user-id="3316344"/> 
1. CathyD Moderator
 <inline-mention username="Amore" user-id="8539902"/>, I can't wait for <inline-mention username="Vickie Wilkerson" user-id="3316344"/> to read your comment here - I LOVE that you asked your husband these questions and took the time and energy to post his responses. Your husband's answer to question number 5 made me well up. We definitely need more people like him in the world. Best of all wishes to you both! 💖 -Catherine, Community Moderator 
2. christine.laaksonen Community Admin
 I second, CathyD, <inline-mention username="Amore" user-id="8539902"/>! I just love that you were able to ask your husband these questions and shared them all with us here. It sounds like the two of you have such a wonderful relationship and partnership. Sending you both gentle hugs. -- Warmly, Christine (Team Member)
Amore Member
Thank you ladies. I am lucky indeed. It is because he is so supportive and patient that I try so hard, perfecting my diet, persevering with physical therapy and finding ways to keep walking as much as possible. He deserves for me to try almost everything I hear about, that is medically and nutritionally recommended, to stay mobile and able to do as much as possible for and with him. He's a really good man. Everyone I have ever met who knows him has said so too. The world needs a lot more like him.💞
1. ClairG Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Amore" user-id="8539902"/> I love this and it makes so much sense to me. Love and support can inspire us in ways that help us be the best version of ourselves and together we can accomplish so much. I am so happy for you. The world certainly needs more people like this. Staying mobile is vital in my opinion to keep moving. Do you go for walks together? - Clair ( team member)
Amore Member
<inline-mention username="ClairG" user-id="3280001"/> Yes, he walks with me when he's home, even if he just finished his own workout including running. I began having extreme difficulty walking in 2020. I could barely make it 25 yards. I kept walking those 25 yards until I could do it with minimal pain, no staggering, less complete exhaustion. Then I added a little more. This I kept up until I developed acute hip bursitis and a hip labral tear this past April that rendered me unable to straighten my leg for a couple weeks. I had been aiming for 5 miles to prepare for a planned trip to visit our daughter in Olympia WA to hike with her in her new neighborhood. She had moved there from here the previous summer. To bond with her in her new locale was my inspiration. I made it to just over 4 miles when my hip gave way. I used hiking poles (ski poles) to help with gait, pace, and distance. I'd set a distance goal, my husband set his tracker on his watch and we set out. I'm good in the beginning, but the last half mile from home my S/Is and hips put the clinch on. My Achilles and both ankles are pretty bad too. Every step may as well be trying for the peak at Everest. Thats when my husband starts saying, "almost there...you can make it...I can get the car...I can piggy back you...etc". So far, I've always made it. I have memories of completing a Bataan Death March reenactment when I was a teen and that helps me make it all the way back home too. I did achieve my dream of hiking with our daughter in the beautiful WA/OR area this past May. I bought ankle/footbed supporting hiking boots for my ankles and feet pain, wore compression gloves for better grip on the poles, sun protection on my head to not aggravate my scalp psoriasis. We have plans to do it again next May. Unfortunately I had a summer setback and have had to start all over again. I have my patient man join me when he's home, even on days when I don't feel like talking and tears stream down my face the whole time. Those days he's silent except when we're almost back home. Then it's, "Almost there, you're doing great, I love you." With a guy like that in my corner how can I not keep trying? I'm back up to 2 miles. My goal is half a mile more per month. Until something snaps or pops. Hopefully that won't happen. 
1. Mylander63 Member
 Wow, what a special husband. I'm am blessed that my husband keeps encouraging me also. In fact this last year we did The Angels Walk at Angels Stadium. I knew that my husband could handle the 5k, I felt I wasn't quite there, but I did the shorter fun walk. But it was great and we encouraged each other. My hope is that I can handle the 5K next year also. But it all depends on flares and bumps in the road as most of us with PSA understand.