Finding Happiness in Psoriatic Arthritis

Can I be happy in this psoriatic arthritis affliction? I call it an affliction because it affects everything. It might be a disease but it afflicts everything, especially happiness.

Finding happiness

I have happiness when my physician knows what I am talking about, and knows what will help me to feel better, whether the effort is my responsibility or theirs. I am happy when I can get out of bed in the morning hours. I am happy when I can sleep. Just having this type of arthritis is not the only affliction most of us have. It’s a combination of afflictions. It’s a combination of happiness bank robbers hacking away, at my happiness.

Painful days with psoriatic arthritis

Each day is filled with pain, discomfort, inabilities, and shortcomings. Having to cancel outings, having to say no to your husband and family and friends especially when the planning has been done and they are counting on me while I am pushing through each and every moment of a day. Happiness becomes a happ-en-ing. If it happens it happens and we do feel it, just not as fully as we should because that will change, that will go away we are just on the biggest roller coaster out there and we did not consent to get on it. It is not thrilling or fun and when that ride is over you can’t get off you have to walk through the line and ride again and again.

Disability and parking

I was challenged in a parking lot by a man whom I did not know, but he stopped and literally stared at me when I got out of the passenger seat to enter a store while my husband waited. I stopped and asked “what”? I thought maybe I should know him from the past or something but, no he was eyeing me to guilt me into parking in that space because I got out and walked to the store. I felt so angry. He didn’t have to say a word. I challenged him feeling my pulse and B/P go up. I knew right then and there it was going to affect my day, my body, and my happiness.

I told him I do have a handicap sticker it’s in another vehicle while trying to figure out if he was a handicap police watcher person or something. He stood behind me in the line at the store humming and giggling so I told him I would prove to him because I have a Pa state card I carry. He kept say…uh ha like I was lying. Here’s the thing Mr. Condescending day ruiner, I appreciate you checking on this situation for ME. Because that’s what you did. You’re trying to protect MY rights as a disabled person to be able to use the space if I need it. I was not driving the car, I didn’t choose to park there, it was the only close space left. I felt “ok” that day and if I don’t need to park close I won’t use it. BUT when you’re challenging my rights as a citizen and a disabled person, and I tell you I have proof, don't stand behind me making comments, do not sing to my back and laugh as though you got one over on someone else. I asked what he was going to do about it and he stays silent, smiling, etc. Kind of like when you were younger, and all your father had to do was look at you and say nothing you knew it was your responsibility to make things right.

Dealing with judgemental people

Why did I find this so irritating and personal? I had all the rights to be there, I am the one who bears the burden of disability. You do not know how painful my body is to me, while I have not consented to be feeling that every day all day long, you have no idea what my spine looks like under my skin. You have no idea what goes on at night when I can’t sleep and have been up for 30 + hours, you have no idea how you’re increasing my stress that causes my body to lose its "happiness". You sir are rude and condescending. You are judging, you are stressing me out without cause, you are ruining my day.

Protecting my happiness

As humans we don’t understand what others are going through, we can’t if we are not experiencing it. As I exited the store where was no car, no husband in that space. I found him around the side out of view. I asked him why he moved and he said to avoid confrontation. That’s how he handles his happiness lol. I presented my ID and said there, now are you happy? Oh there’s that word, happiness, and you took mine. Just like that. Who’s fault was it? It was totally mine. I did not handle the situation well at all. I became angered because my happiness was gone, totally gone for the day. So in retrospect, I need as a citizen amongst other citizens, to realize that what I have others do not. I don’t put my stuff on anyone else in life and never have. However, my reactions to it just showed me how much my happiness has been affected. To top that off I care for my Mother in my home. When we decided on this scenario, I was relatively healthy 8 years ago. Now I can’t do it effectively, as she has the best practice of stealing happiness in anyone I know. Changes are needed so that I can take care of me, so I can take care of you.

Finding others who understand psoriatic arthritis

I am tired of fighting for what should just naturally occur. To love one another and try to understand what others experience. We are selfish rotten minded people. I pray excessively to GOD to “help me.” Especially when I am in the middle of a task to complete and my body suddenly says NOPE we are all done here!

So to all those who cannot understand, I will do the understanding, you don’t have to. I have lost 2 dear friends because I can’t function normally as I used to. I couldn’t be like a good Christian and hold my tongue even though others do not, I could not hold my anger as I should have, I can’t hold happy go lucky conversations and have fun when my tendons feel like they are tearing off the bone. I can’t do things I used to, I am getting older and less function-able.

This is not your fault, not mine either, but I have to deal with it. I must make my life worth it so I can tell you in your times that I understand what you are going through. There is nothing HAPPIER than talking with someone who understands. I know you are dealing with things also. I know my mobility will lessen in time and I keep in mind that someday I might not be able to walk into the stores anymore without assistance. But all the while, if I don’t have happiness in the small things, I will be an old grumpoid, and no help to others. Well, I am not willing to give in to that. So Mr. nosey thank you for helping me to understand more about me, and now that makes me feel a bit happier.