Crazy in the Head!

For years I have been making excuses for strange sensations, random excruciating pain from any body part, faux broken ankles, wrists swollen eyes and a lingering back ache that I blamed on an old injury. I’m sleep deprived and continue to push my self out of bed and into a suit onto a plane and off to generate income for basic human needs. My hands began to itch and scale on the sides like a six year old that spent too much time with a pencil without ever washing up. Everything came to a screeching halt when I woke up one morning and couldn’t get up. Thought I broke a finger in my sleep, arms numb again, but I couldn’t move without screaming. My back felt like I was cut in two.

What now has become clear is I’m not crazy in the head! The phenomenon of complaining about a new pain or symptom every day to my husband also stopped immediately. I can’t go to work.

After seeing a series of doctor within the last year, knowing the only time I went was in an urgent care setting that became more of a pattern than an exception. Finally led me to a Rheumatologist (that I had begged for a referral). It was very apparent I had something wrong and it was systemic but everyone dismissed me further because I didn’t test for RA. Now I was just viewed an older lady whinny about menopausal issues. The weight gain, sweats, fatigue, depressing aches and pains everywhere and insomnia because of empty nesting stress. What? Male doctors tried to feed me meds to suppress my brain power and appease me with other RX which I never took.

30 seconds after being treated by my Rhemi she looked at my nails and saw pitting (always had them polished). She took one look at cervical MRI and circles something saying “this is not wear and tear.” So nearly ten years later I have gone from a secret sufferer bulldozing through my life. care taking for hubby and still head of household to compliant patient now dealing with self injections and methotrexate alone. Not sure if I even feel better but at least I know what’s wrong. Psoriatic Arthritis. It’s unpredictable and not forgiving. At least I know I am on the right path yet the meds are freaking me out just the idea of it all.

So back to why I jumped in here. No one gets it! Not sure how to get friend or family attention to support even after trying to explain. I’m wrapping my head around the disease and my uncertain future but they are in denial and think I’m making it up or basically indestructible because I keep pushing on.

I walk everyday. Try to stay focused on how to keep up the pretenses to pay the bills. Oy! Thoughts to all. May you have a peaceful and joyous pain free holiday season. xxx

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Psoriatic-Arthritis.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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