Am I More Than Just My PsA?

Psoriatic arthritis has so much, probably too much, control over my life. Most days, it dictates what I can and cannot do. Psoriatic arthritis makes my schedule, affects my income, my relationships, and even my self-worth. But is my psoriatic arthritis all that I am?

It is hard to remember that I am more

Many days it feels like that is really the case. It feels like who I am, and everything that entails is made up entirely of my psoriatic arthritis. I hate that I feel that way about it. I hate that it takes over so much of who I am and what I do. It’s hard to remember that there is so much more to who I am than the fact that I have psoriatic arthritis.

I’m a friend

Yes, because of my PsA, I’m not nearly the type of friend that I want to be. But that part of me, the one that is a friend to others, is so much more than my PsA. How I treat others, the way I care about my friends and how they know, despite my PsA, that I will always do anything I can to help them, support them, and be the best friend that I can possibly be. Being a good friend is worth so much more.

I’m a mom

I love my children more than anything in this world. And while I try my best to keep the daily struggles of life with PsA from touching them, I’ve finally come to accept that I can’t. I can do my best to be the best I can be for them. But if I’m being honest, I have to admit that there are days when I am not good enough. Because of PsA, I’m not strong enough to be the mom that I want to be, the one my children deserve. But being a mom is a much larger, much stronger part of who I am than my psoriatic arthritis. Being a good mom is so much more.

I’m just me

Coming to accept that my psoriatic arthritis is such a large part of me has been a long and challenging journey. The simple fact of the matter is that while I have to take about a million medications, watch every single thing I put into my mouth, and pay attention to all the signals my body sends me, it is who and what I am. But it is not ALL that I am. I am so much more.

I am so much more

I still have so much to offer that isn’t part of my psoriatic arthritis. Or maybe, what I DO have to offer, the hope, strength, and encouragement for others is because of the psoriatic arthritis and not necessarily in spite of it? I don’t know. But what I do know is that since my PsA, I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am more disciplined than I ever have been. I understand and empathize when others are in pain so much more deeply.

Better because, not in spite of

So maybe it is not that I am more than my PsA. Maybe it is that I am actually a better person BECAUSE of psoriatic arthritis. Would I give anything not to have it? Of course. But since I do, I can use it to make myself the best person I can be because when I comes down to it, I am capable of being so much more than just my psoriatic arthritis.