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When Your Chronic Illness Is Used As An Excuse

In my experience, there are three types of people in this world, those who genuinely care about what others think, those who don’t, and those who pretend not to care, but actually do. As much as I’d like to think that I don’t care, the truth of the matter is that I really do. Simply put, I actually care if others think that I make good choices.

Choices, excuses, and questions

Which is why it bothers me so much when people use the fact that I have psoriatic arthritis to question the choices I make. Do you think you could really do that? Is that really a good idea? Can you handle that?

Maybe I don't know

You know what? I don’t know. I don’t actually know what I can and cannot do most days until I get up and start my day. But I am still capable of making the best decisions I can make, given all that I DO know. And you don’t get to question every decision that I make simply because you think you may know what’s best for me.

Yes, there are many days when psoriatic arthritis holds me back from doing what I really want to do. But does that give you the right to question whether I should try and do it or not? Should I just give up living, simply because I’m not 100% sure of the outcome?

My PsA should never be used as an excuse

I may be right, I may be wrong, but the fact of the matter is that my PsA should never be used as an excuse to question my judgment or the choices that I make. Sure, you can question my intelligence, logic, or even how informed I am, but no one will ever be able to make a more informed decision about how my PsA will play out in my life than me.

No one has the right

You don’t have to right to use my PsA as an excuse to decide what I should or should not commit to doing. Either way, all choices are mine. And while I appreciate your concern that I may end up in pain, that I may have to make difficult choices, having PsA doesn’t negate my ability or right to make them.

Questioning my choices

For example, my husband and I have chosen to homeschool our children. After a great deal of thought, research, and prayer, we decided it was the best choice for us at this time. Now like anyone with PsA, I have good days and bad. I have days when I feel like I could take on the world, and other days that I don’t feel so great.

So does that simple fact give anyone the right to question my decision to homeschool? My children are excelling. They are developing well, emotionally and intellectually. Yet, people still question if I can actually do it, simply because I have psoriatic arthritis.

They question my choices simply on the premise that I have psoriatic arthritis. I have an advanced degree in education. They don’t question that. I have a great deal of experience. No one questions that. My children are performing above grade level and participate in many activities. No questions there. But people find out I have a chronic illness and suddenly they have the right to question my decisions?

What's your experience?

Who knows. Maybe it is just my experience. Maybe I’m the only one who lives with this type of questioning related to my chronic illness. Or maybe not. Maybe other people with PsA live with others questioning their decisions. Maybe others live with loved ones using their chronic illness as an excuse to be unsupportive or question their decisions. Am I alone in this or have others experienced this too? How do you handle it?

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This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Psoriatic-Arthritis.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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