The Irony of the Pandemic Teaching Me The Importance of Taking Care of My Health

If you are similar to me then the last place you want to be is at a clinic. I find the moment I get out of the car my feet are dragging. My heart rate increases and it is almost as though I forget how to form sentences sometimes when speaking to a nurse and provider. My husband's presence calms me down more than if I go by myself. To make matters worse, I have a pretty bad phobia of needles. I am talking that I might hyperventilate from it. It is pretty embarrassing when my husband has to state "she's afraid needles are going to be involved in today's visit."

Working with psoriatic arthritis

I also had a pretty chaotic schedule prior to Covid. I work in retail and our schedules are constantly changing. For instance, I would work 6-3, 11-8, and 6-3 again. I live in a small town forcing me to commute to my retail position. I found myself consuming fast food more frequently than I should. I did not exercise that much because often times I'd be in too much pain after my shift. I also was physically exhausted. If you can guess correctly, then you know I used my work schedule as an excuse to not go to the doctor's office. I did not have time to schedule appointments. This thought fed my anxiety.

Learning to put my health first

I began the ugly cycle of only going to the doctor's clinic if I was ill again with an upper respiratory infection. The next I knew, was Covid cases began to hit in March. I had gotten super ill myself in March and ended up self-isolating. I have mixed emotions about self-isolating. My sister-in-law got married this past Fall. I was honored when she asked me to stand up at the wedding. My dress had just come to me in March. However, my provider and I decided it was safer if I did not attend. I felt remorseful not honoring my commitment. My husband was not allowed to go to celebrate with his family because of my health. I often feel I am "a bad wife." My husband has not been able to be around family and has to still go to work. Also, I feel guilty for not being at work with my other coworkers. It's a daily reminder telling myself that my health has to come first.

Making healthy lifestyle changes

This pandemic has caused me to slow down and reevaluate my life priorities. I stopped consuming fast food and take out. I began to walk daily weather permitted. I was told that walking is important for my lungs. I faced my fears and went to a rheumatologist. So far, I have been treating it with lifestyle changes. I have noticed positive improvements in my lifestyle changes. I am having fewer flares and have lost weight. Weather is still a big trigger for me. I may have to try some medicine. I will see what my rheumatologist suggests next month. I may not have a job when I return from leave. I cannot work hard if my health is not under control. In an odd way, Covid has taught me the importance of putting myself first. It still is a work in progress. We are often not taught to prioritize ourselves in society. I tell myself only I know what it is like to live in my own shoes. Thanks for reading.