My Body Just Hurts

I am too young in body and mind to feel this bad. When psoriatic arthritis (PsA) affects my body, mind, and spirit, it feels as if my body is rolling on broken glass. Every day, I get a horrible morning wake-up call from my joints.

My mind tells me I should fight, yet my body tells me to give in because who I am is not healthy. I feel horrible, and it took a long time to get a diagnosis. I am 60, but my body feels about 80. It is important to keep fighting, but you must also find time to grieve your former self. Think about all that time you spent feeling exhausted and worried.

No one has the right to judge me

Everyone tells me I do not look sick. I feel sick, and if I had cancer, people would not be able to tell by looking at me. No one has the right to judge my pain or try to diagnose me just by looking at me.

My husband is my caregiver, and I feel enormous guilt. He works all day, then comes home and works all night. I do not have many friends because they only care for themselves and believe I have no right to feel this bad. I am overwhelmed and misunderstood, so people do not want to be around me.

I wish others could walk in my shoes. Even if it is a diagnosis you do not want to hear, please explain to people that this is not tennis elbow. You cannot just put a patch on it and get better. I am sorry to be so frank, but I will not feel better. Even with medication, I will always be in pain. You must make them understand what type of arthritis you have and explain the difference if you have to. Good luck to those who walk in my shoes.