Sometimes I get way too caught up in how psoriatic arthritis affects me. I get tunnel vision. When it comes to making medication choices, decisions about what I can and cannot do, and dealing with my chronic pain, I can easily become too focused on me, me, me. My pain. My fatigue. My brain fog. Sadly, sometimes it is easy to lose sight of all the wonderful people in my life that bless me and support me, even when it is hard for them to do so.
For your patience
Heaven knows I’m not easy to live with. I’m not nearly as independent as I used to be and often have to ask for help with even the smallest tasks. Almost every day, I ask you to stop doing what you were doing to help me open jars, tie shoes, and about a hundred other things. And you never tell me no. You never say you are too busy. You never complain that you are too tired or that your patience is all used up. Your patience is priceless to me.
For your understanding
Sometimes, even with the best planning, I have to cancel our plans. Trips to the zoo with the kids get cut short. Date nights end early. Or I have to change plans that we made long ago, sometimes with very little notice. You always manage to be understanding. When we have to change birthday celebrations or when our money goes to medical bills instead of a much needed vacation. You never blame me or hold it against me. You understand that psoriatic arthritis is not my fault and I know that if you could magically make me better, you’d do it in a heartbeat. Your understanding means the world to me.
For your forgiveness
Let’s face it, you hear I’m sorry an awful lot from me and with good reason. I ask so much of you, more than most people, even me, have the right to ask of anyone. I have a lot to apologize for. Sometimes I take my anger at the unfairness of this disease out on you. I take my frustrations and overwhelming fatigue out on you. I am constantly asking you to put my needs ahead of yours. I know this isn’t what you signed up for when we met. There are many days when I feel just so sorry for myself, for you, for us. But no matter how many times I apologize, for so much, you always forgive.
While we both know it isn’t my fault, I am still sorry just the same. I wish I could change it all, make it magically okay and have more moments of “normalcy,” whatever that it. But until then, I will take your friendship, your love, your support and together we will make the most of what we have.
The best blessings in the world
There will be moments when I forget about what this disease has done to us and just be happy with all the blessings in my life. The blessings of the patience, understanding, and support of those that mean the most to me. My friends, who remember to call and sincerely ask how I’m feeling almost every single day. My family, who makes sure my children always feel loved and cared for, especially when I’m struggling. My husband, my rock, who works overtime at his job and in our home to be sure that I am able to get the rest I need and so much more.
It’s not always easy. I know that. I ask so much of you. But I need you to know that it means so much to me. Never, for one minute, do I take your support and understanding for granted. You give it freely, without reserve, and without question. For that, I will be forever grateful.