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Misguided Anger: Angry At My Condition, Not My Loved Ones

Misguided Anger: Angry At My Condition, Not My Loved Ones

A painful chronic illness like psoriatic arthritis can bring out the witch in even the kindest of people. Pain and fatigue often shortens my fuse causing me to unnecessarily lash out. For longer than I would like to admit, my immediate family were the ones who suffered from my irritability the most. If someone left a glass on a living room end table I would go into a tirade that would have only been appropriate if our house had been robbed.

Who was I really angry at?

Over time, my fits of fury overflowed beyond the really painful days. Anger, bitterness, and resentment overpowered the joy I once had. Believe it or not, I rarely had something nice to say. My wake up call came when after one such berating, my then very young daughter ran to her room crying. What the heck was wrong with me? She didn’t deserve the tongue lashing that I dished out. After apologizing and comforting her, I put myself in timeout. While in timeout I was able to acknowledge that I wasn’t angry with my daughter for leaving a perishable food out on the counter. I was angry at myself for having fallen asleep and not being awake to make sure the ice cream was put away. If only I had fought harder against the fatigue I wouldn’t have had to push through an already ridiculous pain level to clean the mess up. You would think coming to this realization would have limited my verbal attacks on others, but it didn’t. Instead it just fed the darkness inside of me until all I could see was ugliness in everything. Years later I came to the realization that it was my chronic conditions that I was angry at, not my family, not my friends, and not even myself.

No more drive-by shootings

This realization made me see that my anger had been misdirected. Instead of shooting my verbal bullets at my illnesses I was shooting them at innocent victims, including myself. No matter how hard I tried there were always going to be times when my conditions were going to trump what I wanted or needed to do. They decide when I am going to sleep, play, or work. They are the hooligans that needed to be reprimanded. Now when I feel my anger rising past an appropriate level in regards to the situation I pull back and take a breather. I literally speak to my chronic conditions and express my anger towards them. Once that is out of my system, I am able go back and address the situation with my children, husband, or friends without biting off their heads.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Psoriatic-Arthritis.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • luvmuzic81
    11 months ago

    This is exactly what I’m going through. I really hope my children don’t resent me for it when they get older. I find myself apologizing so often at my outbursts towards them when it wasn’t even them I was mad at. You just said the words I’ve been trying so hard to say. I am getting better but, I can only hope to beat these unnecessary reactions to my family. They don’t deserve it in any way. I’m so angry at my conditions. I wish you the best. Thank you for your post.

  • Susieqks
    1 year ago

    I get the most angry at myself and then find my self esteem plummet. Many times when I get a bad psoriasis outbreak the psoriasis is on my face. When the psoriasis is somewhere else on my body or mostly my joints hurting I have become a pro at hiding it but you can’t hide your face so easily. The stares I get when my face is so messed up with psoriasis is so embarrassing. It makes me so mad at myself and at my disease.

  • Eurotrekker
    3 years ago

    One thing that angers me….. Autocorrect. Please excuse the errors in my previous post.

  • Eurotrekker
    3 years ago

    Thank you for your article. I don’t have anyone looking with me, so I can’t lash out. Ok, my cat has gotten a tongue lashing out two. However, most of the time I take the anger and frustration out on myself. I get so frustrated that my body won’t do what I want it to do. It if I specifically force it, it rebels by making me feel worse for days after.
    Anyway, I’m glad you have realized that it’s not your family. It’s tough being in chronic pain and those who do not experience can’t truly understand. When I find my anger building up, I too, try to step out of myself and analyze the situation. Usually it’s not just one thing, but one thing added on top of another and my focusing on the negatives instead of the good. This is a tough thing to do, but with practice, it does become easier. Also, have found that talking on forms like this helps. People on these forms actually DO understand. You’re not such an alien afterall.

  • Rebecca moderator
    3 years ago

    <3 <3 <3

  • Nan54
    3 years ago

    I know this is what I do, I can’t control my anger & frustration. I am so tired of feeling like this all the time, the pain, fatigue & not being able to do as I did even 6 months ago. I push myself to exhaustion & horrible pain, I am mad at myself & everyone. Not sure how to cope anymore. Thanks for this article.

  • Casey moderator
    3 years ago

    Hi Nan54! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with your anger, frustration, pain, and fatigue. Please know we’re here for you, and that you’re so not alone in these struggles. I found a few articles you may be interested in regarding many of the things you mentioned battling. You can find these here:
    https://psoriatic-arthritis.com/living/sleeping-beauty-chronic-beast-fatigue/
    https://psoriatic-arthritis.com/living/managing-fatigue/
    https://psoriatic-arthritis.com/living/coping-each-day/
    https://psoriatic-arthritis.com/living-with-psa/coping/
    https://psoriatic-arthritis.com/living/a-pain-free-day-what-the-heck-is-that/

    I know this may seem overwhelming, but many of these have great commentary from other members, and tips for coping with PsA, as well as handling anger, frustration, pain, and fatigue. Feel free to peruse as many or as few of these as you have time for, and if you’d like, let us know what you think! As I mentioned previously, please know we’re here for you, even if it’s just when you need a friend to talk with. You are not alone.

    Sending gentle hugs your way! -Casey, Psoriatic-Arthritis.com Team

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