An Open Letter to Someone Who Wants to Date Me
It seems appealing, doesn’t it, you think that I am your kind of person. We have similar tastes in some things and totally different opinions on other things.
Let’s face it the idea of dating someone who is not bothered by which way the toilet roll is placed seems intriguing. We look like we could work, not because you think that I am so amazing, simply because we are a good fit. Or so you think.
Dating honestly with psoriatic arthritis
You want to take me out. I am flattered and think that would be really delightful. Fun even. You are my kind of person. However I know that today is a good day, so I hesitate. For you see, good days are few and far between. Maybe I should say yes to this date and tell you all about it.
It would seem too soon to most, however, it is said that honesty is the best policy and there is something you must know. You may be up for the task at hand, above all you might not even see this as a task. Time would tell, but are we willing to give it time?
For every good day, there is a bad day
We met on a good day. It was the summer when my skin was in remission and my body does not ache as much. The movement comes easier and to be honest, my general disposition is just better. Positive, happy go lucky and it could fool you into thinking that nothing could get me down. You would be wrong. The bad days are coming.
“How bad can a hard day be?” I hear you ask with sympathy in your voice as I roll my eyes so hard they touch my soul. Bad days are just that, pretty bad. Here let me set the scene, draw the curtains and dim the lights, the show is about to begin.
What the early mornings look like with psoriatic arthritis
These days come without warning, often arriving in the dead of the night while the rest of the world sleeps. Waking up, I know it has arrived, everything feels different. Everything hurts and there is an elephant on my chest, willing me to stay in bed.
Can’t stay in bed today, school lunches to pack, showers to be had and bills to be paid. Work is waiting. You will probably want to cuddle, turning away I will let you know that today is not a good day. I might sound curt, it is the pain talking.
Being the kind person you are, you will offer to help. I need and want you to help. Life, however, taught me not to rely on anyone. How do I let you in? You offer coffee, I feel sick to my stomach from pain medication and pass.
The afternoon guilt
If I was curt, I am sorry. The last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings, I care for you too much. This pain is more than any human should handle on a daily basis and this morning is simply too much. When the morning and afternoon settles in, so does the guilt. I will message you and apologize.
I did not mean to snap. How many more times can I get away with apologizing for behavior like this? All-day pain and guilt have fought for their moment in the sun. Work is demanding, forgetting things makes the tasks at hand more difficult than they need to be. Work beckons and school letters await me.
When the evening arrives and my fatigue is happy to relieve guilt for a brief moment. The world feels heavy, it is so hard to keep my attention on the road. My eyes just want to sleep. Thank you for fetching the kids.
The psoriatic arthritis painful evenings
Home. You must have taken time off work, you would normally arrive after me. Walking through the front door, a warm kind of peace washes across my weary soul. I collapse into your arms, a real hot mess. Tears streaming down my face, you demand nothing of me. You have held space for me all day and I have arrived.
Walking to the warm bath awaiting, I can smell the flavors of the delicious food that you ordered. The kids are background noise in the peaceful home, all doing their own thing under your strict instruction to give me some peace.
My heart has never been this grateful, it overflows with love and appreciation for you. For saying yes to that date and for giving you the chance I so desperately want everyone to give me. Just a chance to show that we are not like everyone else.
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