Moment of Truth

Well, THE day has arrived. Today is the day I'm supposed to start taking Humira. When I was first diagnosed with PsA four years ago I kind of always knew this day would arrive but I was hoping to put it off until my 60s. No such luck. The damage that the inflammation in my neck is doing to my spine is such that NSAIDs aren't going to cut it anymore. So my rheumatologist recommended a three-month trial of Humira.

I keep telling myself that I'm fortunate. I live an hour and fifteen minutes from the No. 3 ranked rheumatology program in the country (Cleveland Clinic). So I have a top-notch rhuematologist and she's recommending Humira. Furthermore, in a day and age where not everyone has great insurance, I'm blessed wtih a wife who works for the largest employer in Toledo. So my Humira is going to cost me just $5 a month.

But despite all that it's still a scary big leap. My biggest irrational (or rational?) fear is that I have some viruses or fungeses living in my body that my overactive immune system has been keeping at bay. And when I take the Humira they're going to be unleashed. Another irrational fear is ... will it change my immune system forever? Even if I get off of it one day. I'm going to see The Last Jedi on Friday ... a movie I've literally been waiting to see since 1983 when Luke Skywalker was last on the big screen. But I have to sit in a theather full of people during cold and flu season. Will I get sick?

Regardless, I take the leap today. As they say, don't fear the medicine, fear what the disease is doing to your body. And the damage PsA is doing to my spine is REAL. More real than any irrational fear I might have. It's funny that today is my 51st birthday. I wonder, on my 52d birthday, will I have regrets or will I look back on this as one of the best things I ever did for myself? I hope it's the latter.