Emotional numbness, Brain is always on alert mode. I can't feel the world around me, Can you?

I have had PsA whole my life. Apart from physical pain such as "neck" pain that won't let you sleep at night and the stiffness that won't let you get out of bed. It's a constant battle, that everyday I have to fight. Before taking on any task, I literally have to think about it for a long time and kind of push myself to do it. This is emotionally draining.

The worst is that my pain won't let me feel the emotions around me since my brain is constantly dealing with chronic inflammation and is tired to let feelings such as Joy, happiness come into equation of survival.

There are times when, I just can't deal with it and start questioning my existence. The pain unexplainable and sadly no one around me could understand it. My wife tries to sympathize but since she have felt the way I feel so, her sympathy is limited to her own idea of pain.

Again, I just can't put in words, how emotionally numb or depressed, stressed , exhausted, I feel.
I am reaching my 40s, where I have a lot responsibilities, my body and brain has just given up on me. I just feel like, I just can't work anymore even if I want to. I have been wanting a long holiday to just lie idle in my bed and never had get up ever again.....