I want someone to take care of me!

Sounds selfish, probably, but many times during the week those are my feelings. The end of 2010 I had to take early retirement because of my PsA, Fibromyalgia and all the meds I take to keep symptoms manageable. I was blessed enough to get healthy after 9 months of rest then my worse fears were realized, my beloved dad was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma brain cancer. God gave me the strength to take care of my dad, it was the greatest honor of my life.

I took his death extremely hard, planned suicide and once again God intervened and sent my high school boyfriend who saved my life. We were together for 2 years longer than we should have been, I will always be thankful to him for giving me the excitement to postpone my suicide. During our time together I realized I still loved my ex-husband. Funny when we were getting a divorce the attorney told us we shouldn’t be divorcing. Funny how life works out.

During this time my mother was diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy, I became her primary caregiver. For my sister’s own reasons she couldn’t help with her care. At the end of 2016 my mom and I sold our houses and moved to Tennessee. My ex-husband and I got back together. There were many ups and downs in 2017 – then in the fall if 2017 the bottom dropped out. My ex was diagnosed with a serious disease, was in the hospital 3 times with at least a week stay. Mom had a minor heart attack and got pneumonia was in the hospital and rehab from October to the week before Christmas. Mom was also diagnosed with Parkinson’s during this time and needs help with practically everything.

Christmas Eve my ex who is now fiance again went to the hospital, almost died, and now is in rehab.

I’m now the primary caregiver to 4 dogs (one I have to find a new home for), my mom, and and my significant other. I’m thankful that I can be the primary care giver but half the time I want someone to take of me.

Exhaustion is constant. I start to clean house and after a short period of time I need to stop. The frustation of taking time I’d like to walk, craft or something fun for me is spent sleeping or laying down. I get frustrated and want to scream, I used to be someone that would go non-stop for over 12 hours a day. I just want to know when it is going to be my time to be pampered. I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself and knowing neither mom or my honey will be alive for eternity is something I’m having to come to terms with so it’s easy to feel sorry for myself. At least I’ll have no regrets because I am thankful I have enough health to be their caregiver. Thankful but feeling needy! I welcome any all suggestions.

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