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I want someone to take care of me!

Sounds selfish, probably, but many times during the week those are my feelings. The end of 2010 I had to take early retirement because of my PsA, Fibromyalgia and all the meds I take to keep symptoms manageable. I was blessed enough to get healthy after 9 months of rest then my worse fears were realized, my beloved dad was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma brain cancer. God gave me the strength to take care of my dad, it was the greatest honor of my life.

I took his death extremely hard, planned suicide and once again God intervened and sent my high school boyfriend who saved my life. We were together for 2 years longer than we should have been, I will always be thankful to him for giving me the excitement to postpone my suicide. During our time together I realized I still loved my ex-husband. Funny when we were getting a divorce the attorney told us we shouldn’t be divorcing. Funny how life works out.

During this time my mother was diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy, I became her primary caregiver. For my sister’s own reasons she couldn’t help with her care. At the end of 2016 my mom and I sold our houses and moved to Tennessee. My ex-husband and I got back together. There were many ups and downs in 2017 – then in the fall if 2017 the bottom dropped out. My ex was diagnosed with a serious disease, was in the hospital 3 times with at least a week stay. Mom had a minor heart attack and got pneumonia was in the hospital and rehab from October to the week before Christmas. Mom was also diagnosed with Parkinson’s during this time and needs help with practically everything.

Christmas Eve my ex who is now fiance again went to the hospital, almost died, and now is in rehab.

I’m now the primary caregiver to 4 dogs (one I have to find a new home for), my mom, and and my significant other. I’m thankful that I can be the primary care giver but half the time I want someone to take of me.

Exhaustion is constant. I start to clean house and after a short period of time I need to stop. The frustation of taking time I’d like to walk, craft or something fun for me is spent sleeping or laying down. I get frustrated and want to scream, I used to be someone that would go non-stop for over 12 hours a day. I just want to know when it is going to be my time to be pampered. I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself and knowing neither mom or my honey will be alive for eternity is something I’m having to come to terms with so it’s easy to feel sorry for myself. At least I’ll have no regrets because I am thankful I have enough health to be their caregiver. Thankful but feeling needy! I welcome any all suggestions.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Psoriatic-Arthritis.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • CathyD moderator
    2 years ago

    Sharlene, thank you so much for taking the time to share with us. My goodness you and your loved ones have been through such a lot over the years!

    I am a caregiver (although not full-time) to my sister, so I can appreciate a lot of what you are saying, and I often feel the same way. You don’t sound selfish at all – you’re giving all of your energy to other people (and doggies!), I think it’s only natural to want someone to do the same for you sometimes.

    Something I like to do occasionally is go for a facial – it’s very relaxing, so I can rest, but I’m also getting a treat and having someone else do something for me. And having some time alone whilst getting out of the house, which I find to be really good for my soul. We also have a cleaner who comes once most weeks to take some of the pressure off of the housework. I’m not sure if any of this is helpful or feasible for you, I just wanted to say that I get it and you’re not alone! Please come by anytime you need to chat. Sending our best wishes to you and your family <3

  • VickiN moderator
    2 years ago

    @sharlene, your story really touched my heart. You are being such an incredible support for your Mom and your partner, but you are also fighting your own battle with PsA. You’re on triple caregiver duty, and I fully understand why you are feeling so exhausted. I don’t think you should feel guilty for feeling this way at all, it is a completely human response. I wish that I could come and give you a hug, for your Dad, for all the responsibilities you are shouldering so gracefully, and for your own pain. I hope that better and easier days are on the near horizon for you and everyone you love.

    Because you mentioned your Mom has been recently diagnosed with Parkison’s, I thought I would link you to our sister site, https://parkinsonsdisease.net/ . There’s a great team there too and lots of information to help you along this new path if you need it. I’m sending crazy amounts of love and well wishes your way,
    -Victoria, Community Moderator

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