How blessed a pain free day would be.

I think being awakened in the middle of the night or very early morning takes the cake in my world of unrivaled pain. For me — there is nothing as awful. It’s what greets me daily. Opening my eyes to my world is tough....A reminder of my disease, my PsA and all the goodies that accompany it.....Awaking with no medication masking my joint pain, nothing in the world like it. Only to have to get up from the bed and begin the day, that’s pretty bad too.

I remember a long time ago being awakened to my children for one thing or another — belly ache, nightmare, noises they heard....it would be so welcome now. Or the birds chirping outside on the first few days when school was over — wonderful feeling — nowhere to go, nothing to do, the kids would play outside all day! I could garden all day if I wanted. However, that was a lifetime ago, that was someone else — I am having trouble remembering her and just how glorious those mornings were. I am enveloped in pain, a rerun with no new episodes on the horizon.

I keep praying but I feel I am losing. I want to be able to be a part of society — the living — people who actually go places and enjoy doing what they are doing. To actually have a conversation you can keep up with and not be in so much pain standing there you hear nothing that is said.

Why can’t there be more relief for us? Most people don’t even realize what psoriatic arthritis is or just what it can do to a person, how debilitating it is and how many other problems, ailments, and autoimmune diseases are a part of it. There is so much damage it does to our bodies.....many associate it with osteoarthritis, which can cause a lot of pain too but joint damage is irreversible, we can’t get it back....I don’t want people to be uncomfortable discussing with me that I have a disease with no cure — there is hope for remission from one of the numerous meds to try but they are a gamble and who knows what the odds are.... Usually some reaction and have to start all over again.

I wish all my PSA sufferers hope and happiness and a pain free morning.