Feeling hopeless with psoriatic arthritis
Last updated: February 2021
I am 28 years old and last year I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. The main areas that are affected are my hands, they were inflamed constantly for 2 years prior to my diagnosis. I have not yet started medication due to delays with covid.
How PsA has impacted all aspects of my life
Firstly I realize other people here suffer with far more extensive forms of this disease and I admire every one of you that has managed to make the best of this horrible situation and continue to live a full life in spite of it. But I fear that's not for me. Before I developed this disease, I was a professional tattooist, a gym rat, avid climber and even competed in mixed martial arts tournaments. My whole life I defined myself through my body and what it was capable of. Then one day my hands balloon up and I simply can't do ANYTHING that I enjoy or am good at anymore... I had to leave my dream job, ditch all of my hobbies and the social circles I made through them. I am more alone and depressed than I have ever been.
Varying experiences make expectations hard
I have browsed a lot of stories and it's so difficult to find a representation of what to expect, even the biggest successes seem to be periods of remission followed by semi regular flare ups. It remains a problem. I'm not sure if this perspective is skewed because people with complete remission don't continue to use sites like this and share their successes, but everything I read just makes the outlook seem more bleak. PSA seems to permeate every aspect of life, even after treatment.
Feeling hopeless about life
I respect you all so much for living with this, but I know my own limitations. I am unwilling to settle for an imperfect fix, knowing that my life will be forever worse. Giving up on my dreams, re-evaluating my goals.. I just can't do it.
I told myself when this nightmare started that if I could never be the way I was before or live the life I SHOULD be living, then I was done. I know I'm selfish for being unwilling to compromise my goals for my health. But I've lost EVERYTHING because of this and whatever half-life waits for me at the end of this road.. I don't want it. The prospect of continuing to live, knowing what I've lost is beyond soul crushing.
Sorry for the long post guys, I just needed to say that to someone. I wish you all the best and hope that one day they can cure this so nobody else has to feel this way.
Sorry for bumming you out.
Has PsA changed how you think about sex and intimacy?
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