Mental Health and Psoriatic Arthritis

Having psoriatic arthritis is tough. Psoriatic arthritis not only tears a person's physical health down, but their mental health as well. It is something I battle to this very day. Before psoriatic arthritis, I could do anything I set my mind to.

Now my every waking hour has to be consumed with how much do I have left to give for the day. It truly feels like a game of Russian Roulette. Can I do this or will this bring me more pain? I am sure each of you has been there. To those of you who might be newly diagnosed, I do not want to scare you by any means.

Psoriatic arthritis is not easy, especially if you are a very active person like I was. Yes, past tense--"was". I have accepted I can no longer be who or what I was. Psoriatic arthritis now dictates that for me.

A psoriatic arthritis diagnosis

It has been seven years since psoriatic arthritis started presenting in my back. I would go to work as a private housekeeper and be in so much pain by the time I got off work. I just chalked it up to all the bending over I was doing during my workday.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe bending over contributed to some of it, but that was long before I even heard the term psoriatic arthritis. I had given birth to two sons where an epidural was given to me in my back. I had always heard that they cause back pain or problems during your lifetime.

Still, I would not change anything about having my two boys. They are the one--or two, should I say--things in life that I always feel I did right. Two marriages and PsA have taught me that.

My mental health struggles with psoriatic arthritis

Now that I am seven years into having psoriatic arthritis, my mental health struggles almost daily trying to accept things as they are now.

These days I can't even wash a sink full of dishes without my back being in pain. I find myself washing some and sitting down some. Can you imagine how long it takes for me to do even the simplest thing like washing dishes? Most of the time the water goes cold before I can finish. It is at that point where I get frustrated. Why can't I do it?

The fear of progressing PsA

Feelings of dread are what I wake up to most days. I am so stiff first thing in the morning. It hurts just to wake up. I know the pain will be there but it never makes it easy to deal with.

Before my psoriatic arthritis started, I was very much an outdoor person. I loved spending time working in my flower beds. Then again, I loved doing any kind of work out in the yard. Yes, even raking leaves in the fall.

Today I am lucky if I can get thirty minutes in without my back screaming at me in pain. Up rears the pain in my back and then I need to sit in my recliner to let it settle down. Then I just get angry with myself--and especially at psoriatic arthritis. The inner conflict in me is a battle of epic proportions.

Refusing to quit

If you meet anyone that knows me, they will quickly tell you that I am the most stubborn person they know. I am proud of that. See, it is being stubborn that has gotten me through seven years of psoriatic arthritis. I'm not going to give up the attitude that has kept me pushing all these years.

Yes, the mental game is strong, but I refuse to let this disease win. After all, I hope I am an inspiration to my two boys who both know about my struggles. I do not hide that from them. Not that I ever hope they get psoriasis or psoriatic arthritis, but I hope they use my determination to never stop pushing forward.

If they do that, then psoriatic arthritis can take all the mental struggles and stick it you know where.