How Psoriatic Arthritis Shifted My Role in My Marriage

When I married my husband, I embraced the traditional role of a wife. I quit my job to stay home, raise our children, and keep the house running. I cooked, cleaned, and did everything you’d expect from a classic housewife. But what I didn’t see coming was how quickly my body would betray me after saying, “I do.”

This isn’t a “pity me” story. Instead, it’s an honest look at how psoriatic arthritis (PsA) has transformed my life and our marriage. My goal is to give those who are newly diagnosed or struggling with the ways PsA is changing their life a glimpse into what life can look like—even when it takes a turn you didn’t anticipate.

When the struggle became unavoidable

Funny enough, my husband made the first move to shift responsibilities in our marriage. For years, I struggled with the mounting challenges of PsA but wasn’t ready to admit it.

At the time, he was a truck driver and would be gone for days at a time. He started noticing that coming home to a clean house meant also coming home to an utterly exhausted and pain-ridden wife.

One day, he gently asked what he could do to help. And while I appreciated the sentiment, my ego was not having it. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge that I needed help, let alone let go of tasks I’d always taken pride in doing. But my husband didn’t push. Instead, he let me decide what I was ready to hand over.

The first thing to go? Sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping the floors. That was the beginning of a much bigger journey of acceptance.

Letting go was harder than I thought

I won’t sugarcoat it. Handing over responsibilities was an emotional rollercoaster. My ego took a massive hit.

I resented the situation, and if I’m being honest, I resented myself. I hated that I couldn’t do the things I used to, and every new task I relinquished felt like another piece of my identity slipping away.

It didn’t help that society often paints asking for help as a weakness. But over time (and by “over time,” I mean decades), I began to see things differently. My husband wasn’t just picking up my slack—he was showing me, in the most selfless way possible, how much he loved me.

Adjusting to my new role in the relationship

Today, our roles look completely different from when we started. My husband does the lion’s share of cooking and cleaning. He drives me everywhere.

On top of that, he financially supports us with a high-stress job, all while managing the responsibilities I used to carry.

While I wish I could still do more, I’ve come to terms with my new reality. Psoriatic arthritis, along with other health conditions, has forced me to redefine my role in our marriage. As much as I hated the idea at first, I’ve realized how incredibly blessed I am to have a partner who’s willing to step up without hesitation.

He never complains or makes me feel like a burden. Instead, he constantly reassures me of his love. Let me tell you, knowing someone is willing to go to these lengths for you is a kind of love I wish everyone could experience.

The emotional distance I had to bridge

As the responsibilities shifted, I’ll admit it created some distance between us at times. Each change felt like a personal failure, and I pulled away emotionally. I didn’t want to face what was happening, so I withdrew.

It wasn’t until I truly accepted my need for his help—and stopped viewing it as a loss—that I began to see our relationship in a new light. His willingness to step in wasn’t a sign of my weakness; it was a testament to his strength and our partnership.

What I have learned (and what you should know)

If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed by the changes PsA or another chronic illness is forcing into your life, know this: it’s okay to grieve the loss of your old role. It’s okay to feel frustrated and angry.

But also know that accepting help doesn’t make you less. It doesn’t diminish your value or your place in the relationship.

The best thing my husband ever did was to ask how he could help instead of telling me what he thought I needed. The best thing I’ve done is to recognize that leaning on him doesn’t make me weak. It makes us strong.

Life with PsA is unpredictable and messy, but it’s also full of opportunities to grow closer to the people we love. Letting go of who I thought I needed to be has allowed me to appreciate who we are together fully, and for that, I’ll always be grateful.