Life, Interrupted

According to John Lennon, “Life is what happens while you a busy making other plans.”

There are lots of things in life that don’t go the way we’d planned. College degrees don’t turn into careers, people don’t live happily ever after with their high school sweethearts, and home remodels never, ever come in on time and on budget. Plan all you want, but life always seems to have a way of going on it’s own course, no matter how much we plan. With PsA, I wonder sometimes why I bother to plan at all.

Life, interrupted

It happens to me. Every. Single. Time. I really shouldn’t be surprised anymore, and yet I still am. The scenario goes something like this. I spend weeks planning how to get my life together. I want to organize my home, complete remodeling projects, or even something as simple as getting caught up on the laundry. I find myself knee-deep in my to-do list, my house a total wreck around me, and whack a flare hits me right upside the head. Ouch.

Everyone else’s world keeps spinning

Everything else I have to do gets put on hold while the flare grips me. Life continues for the rest of my family though, all around me. Outfits continue to get worn (more laundry). Meals get served (more dishes). Paths get made in the destruction left from my organizing, despite my carefully laid out plans.

Thought you had it together? You thought wrong.

Just when I thought I had it together. When I was so close to pulling my house and my family out of the pit, there we are, back in the same mess we were before I started any laundry. Before I started any organizing. Before working on any of my remodeling projects. I think I just might cry.

When my life is interrupted by a flare this way, I can feel so defeated. Like for every step I take forward, I end up in a flare, and two steps back. I make progress, then falter. I mark things off my list, only to replace it with 10 more things.

Finding a rhythm to life

All of the things that I have to do, all the things in my life, all of my plans get put on hold because of a flare. I have difficulty finding a rhythm. I struggle with sticking to my schedule. I feel the stress of living an inconsistent life. I feel aggravated and frustrated that nothing, not one single thing, goes as I plan it in my head. I feel overwhelmed when my life and my carefully laid plans are interrupted by swollen joints, fevers, and ridiculous fatigue.

So how do we handle these interruptions from PsA?

For the answer to that most difficult question, I have yet another set of song lyrics. Those are the inspiring words of Jonny Diaz in his song, “Breathe.” If you haven’t heard it, I highly suggest you Google it and listen. Here is my favorite part:

            Breathe, just breathe

            Come and rest at my feet

            And be, just be

            Chaos calls but all you really need

             Is to just breathe

When was the last time you did that? When PsA symptoms are raging all around you and you can’t seem to keep all of it together in the middle of a flare. When your perfectly planned project gets put on hold and life is interrupted. Breathe. Just breathe.