Fatigue: A Letter to My Worst Enemy
I hate you. You cloud my mind and zap my energy. You are the devil and all he stands for. There is no cure for you and rarely do you leave my side. Oh fatigue, if only I could rid myself of your tenacious grip on me, I might be able to have my life back again.
You cause me to miss out on activities and leave my to-do list totally undone. Seriously, why can’t you just leave me be? Why can’t you just give it a rest already? No amount of sleep persuades you to leave my side nor can the strongest caffeine drive you away. Your incessant nature makes me question my own sanity. How can I really feel this tired, yet sleep evades me time and time again. Oh fatigue, you strike again.
Can’t you just pack your bags and go? Haven’t you caused enough damage already? You’ve caused friends to think I’m lazy and no longer invite me out. You break my kids’ hearts when you cut trips short or cause me to miss special events. Fatigue, you thief, leave me be.
You unexplainable enemy
Fatigue, my constant companion. My unexplainable enemy. After all, how can anyone understand that rest is not the answer? Sleep will not send you away. Lounging will not keep you at bay. You never let up, you never yield. Why won’t you just let me be?
You unrelenting fiend
My arms are heavy and my knees are weak. Climbing a flight of stairs might as well be like hiking Mt. Everest. You make simply holding up my head some days an exhausting chore. Why must you torture me so? The burden you place on my shoulders, fatigue, gets heavier with every step, tiring my muscles and stressing my joints. Fatigue, you unrelenting fiend.
Morning to night and all over again
Day after day, night after night you make life so difficult sometimes. Please, just go away. I rise in the morning, and before I even open my eyes I feel the weight of you. Heavier than gravity, weighing my body down. Making me feel 10x heavier than I really am. Making it difficult to think straight. Fatigue, you keep me on the couch in the afternoon and out of the restaurants at night. You make it hard to cook. You make it hard to clean. You make it hard to work. You are never-ending.
Sure, there may be temporary ways to beat you. Some ways that can make living with you a tad bit easier. Diet and exercise, yes, they can help. But really, I wish I didn’t have to deal with you at all. I have enough to worry about with the brain fog and pain, why must you also stalk around like an ever-present shadow?
Oh fatigue, I hate you. Go away and never come back.
One Exhausted Patient
How do you plan to recognize PsA Awareness Month?