An Open Letter to My Newly Diagnosed Self

This is me writing to my newly diagnosed self, only 2 years after receiving an official diagnosis, a name for the pain. This reflection brought clarity, mixed feelings of pain, and emotional strain. This was an exercise in resilience. Let's pick up the pen and get started.

To the person who I used to be

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you’re okay, but if you’re not, please believe me when I say that that's okay too. There are so many things that I would like to tell you, so many things that I want you to be reminded of, and so many things that I wish we knew when we were just diagnosed.

You were so hard on yourself. I hope you find the strength and the courage to forgive yourself because your illness is not your fault. Forgive yourself for the tiny acts of self-destruction, and for convincing yourself that you weren't good enough because you were.

You are not alone

I know things have been tough. These past few years have been difficult for you to carry, most especially because you have to deal with them on your own. Sorry for all the times that you felt alone and isolated, with no one to talk to. I’m sorry if you were afraid of being judged which forced you not to confide in anyone at all.

You never were alone. I know you feel like it's better to isolate yourself, and that it's easier not to ask for help from others. But this is me telling you that you don't have to go through everything on your own. You have your circle of friends and your family who are there for you and who are willing to help you if you let them.

You are surrounded by good people, and you have a solid support system that loves you wholeheartedly. There is a wonderful community of people diagnosed with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis whom you will lean on for support and inspiration, too.

You’re okay and you will continue to be okay

Speaking to you 2 years after being diagnosed, I want to tell you that you are now in a better place. Some days are still hard, some days are still painful, but you are healing. You may not even notice it, but in the span of 2 years, you were able to do things that you never thought you could have.

You were able to unlearn unhealthy coping mechanisms, you were able to get out of a very dark place, even if you had to crawl on your own. You managed to change your lifestyle and you did everything you could to live healthily.

One day you’ll wake up and realize that you’ve come so far already, and you will be grateful that you didn’t give up. I am writing you this letter to tell you that that day is today.

A vision for today with psoriatic arthritis

I looked back and realized that I am now handling situations better than an older version of myself would have been able to. And most importantly, I now know that tough days are inevitable when you are chronically ill. You can never avoid them, but I know know that all days, even the worst ones, will eventually pass.