I’m Not Brick and Mortar

If I could voice my opinion of how living with psoriatic arthritis has really brought my true self to surface, I would say this - many times, people really don’t have a clue what we go through each day. My family thinks my name is “Ms. Fix It” all the time. They feel as if I don’t have any bad days. The worst part is that yes, I do have bad days, but unfortunately every day is a bad day; I just choose not to show it. They don’t get it that you can be in pain all the time.

Days when I need a listening ear

So many times, I have felt like I'm there for everybody else and there's no one there for me. Where is that shoulder for me to lean on? Where is that someone that will take my hand and say it’s okay and I hear you? Where is my support coming from? As some of you know, if you are a strong person, people feel that you are hard, tough, unbreakable and unbendable. Do they realize that we’re not brick and mortar?

There's a difference between confidence and wanting compassion

I am very confident in myself. I have confidence in my job ability; I know what to do daily and show someone else how to do it. However, when you're living with psoriatic arthritis you sometimes need a little compassion and understanding. We as a people are lacking simple compassion. When you tell someone that you are in pain and can’t out of bed, and they insist that you need rest and will see you in a couple of hours. This is when you realize that people aren’t compassionate at all and think you are made from brick and mortar.

I have always tried to be an advocate for my community. I go out of my way to help others and will take phone calls day or night. I've had to slow my roll because of daily pain and people don’t understand. I have got phone calls from people who were upset that I didn’t call them back in twenty minutes. What happened to doing kind deeds for others and they return the favor? You would think that someone dealing with the same ailment as you would understand. Sometimes that is not the case.

If you only knew

I have some hard days. I have a disease that really affects my everyday life. I get tired despite what people think. Small acts of kindness for people with chronic illnesses would go a long way. I’m not brick and mortar. I’m a woman that just like everybody else needs her downtime and it would be a sweeter world when we as a people would open our eyes and just sometimes ask- what can I do for you? Stop thinking that just because we are supporters that we are unbreakable because it's not true. My joints are in a surmountable amount of pain every day.

If I was a brick

It would be nice to be very hard, solid and my conversation would be I don't need anything I'm a brick. I sure wouldn't feel joint stiffness, pain, and swelling. I wouldn't need to take pain pills or shots. I wouldn't care whether you were kind or not. One day I hope that people understand what we go through daily as a patient and a supporter.

My doctor had me keep a journal for a month on my daily pain. Each day I was in some sort of pain throughout the day. Therefore, I'm not brick and mortar but a simple woman living with a chronic disease that affects me each and every day of my life. I’m just like you.