The Downside of Determination with Psoriatic Arthritis

In most respects, having determination is a great thing. If you describe someone as “determined” they are driven, successful, even resolute. When you are determined, you are focused to see something through, no matter what. Admirable, for sure.

When you look at it through the lens of psoriatic arthritis, suddenly, being determined can mean something entirely different.

Here, we will take a harsh look at the downside of determination.

When determination upstages psoriatic arthritis

When I get determined to do something, all rational thought seems to fly out the window. Unfortunately, I would need more than one hand to count the times I chose to be determined and ended up paying the price for it.

I’ve been determined to make it to soccer games, dance recitals, and family picnics. Was it worth it? Yes, probably. However, that doesn’t do much to dull the pain the next day.

Determination can be downright painful

Ooch, ouch, eeech. Those, my friends, are the sobbing sounds of pain. When you end up with a paingover (similar to a hangover, but more painful) because you overdid it, every single movement hurts. More recently, I overdid it so much that simply reaching around to wipe my own bum was nearly impossible.

Not to mention stupid. Yes, I said the “s” word. (Don’t tell my kids, they will discipline me for sure!) For lack of a better word, that is exactly the case. I know better than to push myself too hard, but I was determined. Determined to prove to everyone, and most importantly myself, that I can do anything, despite living with PsA.

I thought, “I won’t let this stop me from doing what I want to do!” And now here I sit, and instead of cheering for my determination, I’m painfully shaking my head while muttering to myself, “Stupid, stupid, stupid”

Being determined, comes with consequences

Unfortunately, I’ve learned the hard way very often. Being determined comes with very painful consequences. For example, the storage (or lack thereof) in my kitchen walls really, really driving me nuts. One day I was bound and determined to do something about it. Off I went to the home improvement store to find some storage options.

Well, several hours later I found myself heaving these ridiculously heavy shelving units into my house. And I really mean, RIDICULOUSLY heavy! By that point, all I had done is find the shelves, bring them home, and carry them in the house. But I refused to accept defeat (I’m sort of stubborn that way). Come h*ll or high water, I was going to finish this project! So I got my tools and got to work. A whopping 8 hours later, I placed the last shelf and called it a day.

When psoriatic arthritis catches up with determination

Now here I sit, crazy sore, I can hardly walk, and if I’m being honest, I can barely reach around to wipe my own backside. This is what comes from life with psoriatic arthritis. More often than not, the more determined you are, the more in pain you will be.

Yes, it is a sad reality for those of us who battle daily to find the balance between determination and stupidity that we often lose. And while I do love my shelves, I’m not sure my determination was really worth it in the end.