What To Do When You Have Concerns About Your Doctor

By Leanne Donaldson

3 min read

Sometimes, no matter how hard I have tried, I found that I had some concerns about my doctor. There have been times when I felt my questions weren’t being answered or I wasn’t being “heard” by my doctor. I remember one doctor in particular, just before my diagnosis, where I felt like I was being very open and cooperative with her diagnostic process but that she wasn’t really listening to what I was trying to tell her. After seeing her on three separate occasions I felt that I had done all I could do to foster an open relationship, but to no avail.

Is listening an important quality for doctors?

What if your doctor is very good - experienced, reputable, skilled - does it really matter that they listen? In my experience, absolutely. If I don’t feel like I have been heard by my doctor, then I am afraid that I may end up incorrectly diagnosed, or not have the correct tests ordered for the symptoms that I am experiencing.

What can you do when you don’t feel like you are being heard?

Try questions- Instead of rattling off a laundry list of complaints, try asking a question. “How much can I expect this medicine to help me?” “What can I realistically expect?” This will help your doctor focus on you instead of getting through their overwhelming list of things to do.

Restate what you heard- Sometimes, at the doctor, I get so focused on conveying my question, my thoughts, my concerns, that I also forget to listen. Other times, I misinterpret what my doctor is trying to tell me. I have found that it is always worth the time and effort to use the phrase, “So what you are saying is…” Or I will restate what I understand to be the plan for my care. That way, if I didn’t correctly understand what the doctor was saying then any misunderstandings can be cleared up.

Ask for a double slot or consultation appointment-Depending on what part of the world you live in, you might be able to request a double appointment at the time your appointment is made. If you do run out of time and really feel as if you didn’t get your questions or concerns addressed, ask about the best way to contact them if you have questions before your next visit. I have found that some doctors are happy to accept questions through their nurse, others use electronic messaging systems like MyChart, or even email.

When should you find another doctor for your psoriatic arthritis?

Like any good relationship, communication is key. If you have tried your best to make communication a two-way street, you have done your best to be a “good” patient, and you still feel like your doctor just isn’t working out for you, then you need to know when it is time to look elsewhere.

The three date rule

In my experience, I have found the “3 Date Rule” to be very effective. I give my doctor 3 appointments to decide if they are the right doctor for me. Everyone has bad days, limiting your decision to one appointment would give you an incomplete picture about your relationship with your doctor. It is possible that they were just having a bad day, were overbooked, or distracted for another reason. Three appointments allow the doctor to run tests, process the results, and meet with you for a follow-up and recommendations. If after that, you are unhappy it is my experience that at that time, you may want to consider a second opinion.

Featured Forum

View all responses

With psoriatic arthritis diagnosis and treatment, time is of the essence and no one wants to waste time with a doctor they don’t feel listens and understands their concerns.

I know, not everyone has the luxury of choice when it comes to their rheumatologist. You may live in a small town with only one or two options. Some people may have a health care system that doesn’t allow for choice. But that doesn’t mean you have to be a victim of poor care your whole life. Accept your options and work hard to foster open and honest communication with your doctor so you both can make the best decisions, after all your health is at stake and it is worth your while to make the best of a very difficult situation.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Psoriatic-Arthritis.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.

eurotrekker Member
I have a doctor who is highly thought of among the medical community, or at least it seems. However, he is a real Jekyll & Hyde.. I am really beginning to think he is bi-polar or on drugs. Sometimes he seems nice. At other times he is the devil incarnate. I'm an easy going person and I believe my doctors know more than I do, at least when it comes to medical conditions. However, he has actually yelled at me when unprovoked. I had a friend with me, for a second set of ears, and she can vouch for it. He just started ranting and raving. It caught me totally off guard and I began to cry. My friend, who never cries, was getting so mad at him and keeping it in that she began to cry. I asked why he was being mean and he wouldn't answer. The nurses and other patients could hear him through the walls. I left, but went to the director's office to let her know what had happened. She did not seem surprised at all. (Later I found out that he has a tendency to get mad at the drop of the hat and fires his main nurse frequently. Then he needs her to come back, always offering a higher salary. She keys him fire her, gets a few days off, and then gets an increase in pay) As you can imagine, I was terrified of my next appointment. I took another friend, a nurse from another hospital. He thought he recognized her from some kind of medical conference. She didn't give her name or her title. We think he believed her to be an investigator. He was super nice. Since then, it has been a hit and miss with him as to what personality I'll get. I much prefer working with his nurses. I'm fact, I don't think I've seen him since I've gone on Medicare, two years ago. I've been going to this doctor for over eight years, and hate changing. However, I believe I need to find someone new and start all over. I have heard of several patients who have quit him, because of how outbursts.
1. VickiN Moderator & Contributor
 Eurotrekker, oh my gosh, that is terrible! It is hard enough navigating chronic illness with your medical team without needing to feel like you're walking on eggshells to avoid an outburst. I know it is hard, but it really does sound like finding a new Rheumy is the best thing for you. You shouldn't dread going to your appointments (anymore than we already dread it, that is!). I can understand people having bad days, but even on my worst days I don't yell at my co-workers or customers. I hope the process of changing over goes smoothly for you and you find a great new Rheumatologist. Keep us posted! All the best, -Victoria, Community Moderator
2. mike_ruddy_jr Member
 <inline-mention username="eurotrekker" user-id="3313099"/> I'm not positive due to your name; however you mentioned medicare so I am going to make an assumption you are in the States... And I also have to add, if there was a reaction for pissed off, I would have clicked on that as my wife gets a lot of condescending male docs, typically older ones as the next gen docs don't seem near as bad, but have less exp. with them too. Normally there is a grievance process you can go through, both with your insurance provider, which would by your medicare supplement in your case, as well as the medical group whom the doc is part of. Do NOT be afraid to use this process! I have NO hesitation when I have issues as the only way they get fixed is if the right people no about them. Secondly, and just as important, you should be able to request a patient advocate, or sometimes they are called a care coordinator, or benefit coordinator, or some sort of name like that; these folks are there to bring your provider team together to insure your treatment plan is right across multiple disciplines as well as you are getting proper care from all of your providers. Third, for myself, I don't know that I could continue with a provider who treated me this way, saying that, rheumatologists are in very short supply where I am in Northern California and I have my choice of 3 unless I want to drive about 1.5 hours, I am blessed to have one I love dearly, but it took us a good 18 months to develop a relationship where we fully trusted each other, but she was never condescending and I always treated her with the utmost respect; but we are just completely 180 degrees opposite people from each other so we had to learn to understand each other, now I have more faith in her than the 2 rheumys I see at Stanford which the local rheumy sent me to--The point is, if you are not completely stuck due to just a lack of options, then FIRE THE JERK!!! Stay strong! Best of luck, and remember nobody will be a better advocate for you than you!!! Mike
grace Member
I think we have all come across these types of doctors that don’t believe you have PSA or anything for that matter… I actually had a physician assistant tell me I really didn’t have ovarian cancer “can you imagine “ having a doctor tell you that your cancer wasn’t cancer and you destroyed your ability to have children…. I cried a lot and I reported her … Some people are so sole destroying. 
1. Lori.Foster Community Admin
 How horrible, <inline-mention username="grace" user-id="3290201"/>. I hope that doctor was fired. My heart goes out to you. - Lori (Team Member) 
2. CommunityMemberc31ade Member
 So sorry you had this experience. The above ishow my colon ca got to duke c three . Recently pa told me you dont have RA let alone my psa and posarias not sure on spell.
mike_ruddy_jr Member
Great advice in the article! I have fallen victim to the laundry list of complaints more than once, then don't understand why they can't give me an answer to solve all 28 3/4 complaints in one concise statement! I'm not even sure they can keep them all straight! I have had really good luck with the "Restate what you heard" or what I call summing it up. I think it actually benefits both me and the provider to get the main points clear prior to ending the visit, which is when they are going to chart their notes and you are off to do labs, imaging, whatever. I will say though, with regard to the 3 date rule, I don't know if 3 appointments is truly adequate in rheumatology? Thinking back to when I was first referred to a rheumatologist, it was multiple, multiple rounds of x-rays, blood work, MRI's, more blood work, more follow up imaging, etc. before she would even begin to consider possibilities for longer term treatment plans beyond anti-inflammatories and methotrexate (after blood work did determine there was indeed inflammation and it was ruled out to be cardiac related or other) as the gateway drug to DMARDs, but even then, it typically takes 3-6 months to know if a medication is going to work, and if not, you may have to taper off, allow the med to clear, often with very long half-lives, and then start the process of a new med over. Maybe my experience was different than most, I don't know, just seems like you should expect a long haul when you start down this path, and you will be very frustrated with your rheumy as your impatience mounts with a doc you are unfamiliar with and is unwilling to make a diagnosis and tell you what pill they are going to give you to "cure" you; ultimately a couple of years later you realize the process was necessary and will be lifelong, as was explained in the first visit, but by now you have had time to wrap your mind around everything going on, educate yourself to the level of an attending specialty physician, and are focused more on options for treatment. So I think it should be made clear the 3 date rule probably doesn't apply for the first steps on your autoimmune disorder journey, rather the 3 date rule applies later, when you must change docs for whatever reason life throws at you. I used too many words, sorry, sometimes I just can't help myself... mike
Eric_the_Eric Member
An ongoing problem in healthcare; women's concerns for their own health just aren't taken seriously by many healthcare practitioners. Whether it be the doctor who refuses to give credence to their pain and suffering, or the insurance company demanding that the low cost option be tried before moving on to something that actually works.
Mellie in Oregon Member
Although I have no problem advocating for myself and asking all my questions, I still feel "unheard" sometimes. I am that patient that makes every doctor run late because I refuse to let them leave until I understand the situation. However, there are multiple times with my Rheumy that I don't feel he really hears me. Perhaps I am impatient with the medicines, but I seem to have a much more productive visit every time my husband is in the room with me. It's almost like he validates what I say even when he's silent most of the time. While it's a system I don't love, I so very much appreciate him taking the time off work to go with me and if that's what it takes for me to get help, it's something both of us are willing to do. 
1. Vickie Wilkerson Moderator & Contributor
 Hi @Mellie in Oregon I am so glad you have the support of your husband. I am very lucky as well in the supportive husband category. It helps so much especially like in situations like you are talking about. Being your own advocate is always a good thing. I applaud you. Vickie W., Team Member 
2. Vickie Wilkerson Moderator & Contributor
 Hi @Mellie in Oregon I am so glad you have the support of your husband. I am very lucky as well in the supportive husband category. It helps so much especially like in situations like you are talking about. Being your own advocate is always a good thing. I applaud you. Vickie W., Team Member
dcterrell Member
I have had issues with a couple of doctors in being heard. My first was a PC when I was trying to get a diagnosis on, well anything. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but something was. She tested only my TSH (I'm hypothyroid) and vitamin D. TSH was fine, and Vit D she gave me a 3-week high dose, tested again, and said good enough. When I pushed that something was still wrong, she just said I needed to lose weight. I'm not model thin, but she was bigger than me. So I found another PC, she did extensive blood work and agreed something was wrong and within a couple of weeks I was seeing a Rheumatologist. My first visit with him I told him my PC suspected some kind of arthritis and possibly fibro. "I don't like fibro." Okey dokey. I gave him a year, but he wanted to see me monthly, do blood work every time, and just throw meds at symptoms, none of which were working even after several months. He wanted me to bring my meds to appointments and I had to use a gallon-size ziploc that wouldn't zip closed. And then he would get upset if I questioned something or said I didn't think a med was working. Finally found a new Rheumie and she's amazing. In less than 6 months I was nearly pain-free and even she said "Oh you definitely have fibro." Not that I'm happy to have it, but the validation is appreciated. Sometimes it's a bit of a wait for appointments, but I really don't mind because I know that she's giving everyone her time and not rushing through it. I've had similar issues now with getting a diagnosis for Meniere's disease and now recently with Trigeminal Neuralgia. (Both now confirmed and working on treatment.) I'm not a hypochondriac or looking for attention or diseases to add to my list like trophies, but I am a firm believe in nobody knows your body better than you, and don't settle for an answer you don't think is right. 
1. christine.laaksonen Community Admin
 Whew, what a long a challenging journey that sounds like to get to the place you are now, <inline-mention username="dcterrell" user-id="3281922"/> . I really wish you hadn't had such terrible experiences with your PC or your first rheumatologist, but I am so glad that you advocated for yourself and that you now have such a great rheumatologist! And yes, I agree with you 100 percent about nobody knowing your body better than you do. Thanks so much for sharing your experience with the rest of the community here. -- Warmly, Christine (Team Member)
2. Diane T Moderator & Contributor
 Hello <inline-mention username="dcterrell" user-id="3281922"/> , Just checking in to see how you are doing. Did you ever get to all your doctor appointments? If so, how did everything go? We would love to hear from you. Diane (Team Member)