Does Living with Psoriatic Arthritis Make You a Better Person?

I am feeling rather “deep” today. I mean, like, “Who are we meant to be?” kind of deep. And I know, your initial answer to that question is probably heck no! I’m cranky. I’m in pain. I’m a burden. I can’t do half the stuff I used to be able to do. But stick with me here...

Are you different that you were before?

There’s no doubt in my mind that psoriatic arthritis changes a person. Obviously, we are changed on a physical level. But I am talking more like the who we are are our core - those kind of changes. I asked my husband the other day, “Do you think I am different than I was before?”

I was fully prepared for what I thought was the obvious answer. “Of course!” Followed by a litany of all the things that I can’t do anymore. I was prepared for a point by point listing of all the things I used to do. The mother I used to be. The wife I used to be. After all, more often than not, I’m confronted by all the reminders of the “old me” and what the “old me” could do.

But that wasn’t the answer I received at all.

Rather, I was surprised by his response. Obviously he did answer yes, that I am a different person, but not for all the reasons that I thought he was going to list. He didn’t prattle on about how I can’t keep up with the laundry. He didn’t go down the list of times when he was left, practically a single parent, to occupy the kids while I was on an extended trip to Flareland. In fact, to my surprise, he didn’t mention those things at all.

Instead, he said that I’ve become more empathetic, more caring, and more understanding. I’ve slowed down and have taken the time to really become a part of the life going on around me.

I’ve become a person who knows who my true friends are and what it really means when we say, “In sickness and in health.”

Listening doesn’t mean fixing

Instead of thinking that I always have to “help” someone or offer to solve their problem. Now I know that sometimes, simply allowing them to tell their story, and offering a listening ear is all people really need. People don’t always need to be “fixed” we all just need to feel like someone has heard us. Like someone has found our story “worthy.”

Not all change is bad

I will forever be changed because of psoriatic arthritis. Sure, my body will never be the same. And many days my mind isn’t either. But all these changes haven’t all be bad. Because of living with psoriatic arthritis, I’m changed. Maybe I’m becoming what I’ve always been meant to be. Would I rather not have it, of course.

But I’ve finally given up focusing on the person that I was, and am embracing the better person that I’ve become. I truly think that is the first step to becoming a better person because, and even in spite of, psoriatic arthritis.