The well-meaning question I dread the most:
The question I have come to dread most from my well- intentioned friends is: “So, what did you do today?”
The reason: so many days lately, I’m lucky if I managed to walk the dog and do laundry! I stumble and stutter while I try to think of words to make my life sound happily hectic.
Meanwhile, they rattle off how many miles they ran this morning followed by 2 hours of gardening and capped off with a night out!
Honestly, I’m truly happy for them. But the difference between how they live their lives and how I now have to live mine, seems to be growing. I don’t seem to be able to verbalize the daily effort of living with PsA and I don’t want to be “that person” always whining or making excuses.
It’s exhausting. Sorry…I think I just needed to vent a bit today.
Tomorrow will be better…
I am glad you felt comfortable coming here to vent,
. It sounds like they are the kind of friends who are asking the question simply so that they can answer it themselves. That gets old quickly for people on your end of the conversation. Don't ever apologize for doing less. You know in your heart that living your life in the best way you are able. I hope you feel free to come here whenever you need support or a safe space to blow off some steam. Sending lots and lots of gentle hugs your way. - Lori (Team Member) 
Hi
, you're not alone! Unfortunately these sorts of questions remind us of how different our days are, not only to our friends' days but to our pre-PsA days. I really try not to think about it all but these questions kind of force everything back into focus. What's made this easier for me is just giving a stock answer of "not much" or "the usual". Then I don't have to analyse my day and realise I didn't do much. Although, as Lori says, we are doing our best and that is enough!
Your post reminded me - I don't know if you've ever had this, but I used to get people asking how I was, and after I'd reply saying I was having a really bad time with fatigue, they'd still ask what I had been up to. I used to get so upset and frustrated because I'd literally been lying in bed all day, and if they understood (or listened when I'd explained about fatigue previously) then they would know that. Again, I just change my answer now to "I'm doing okay" or "not too bad" and move on. It's a bit sad really but it saves a lot of heartache for me. Thankfully I do have a couple of people who I can be truly honest with. And of course everyone here in the community understands and that helps a lot. We're all here for you! 💖
How are you feeling today? -Catherine, Community Moderator
Hi Catherine,
Thank you so much for your kind response and your understanding. It helps to know I’m not alone.
Unfortunately, today is not a great day either. I’m new to Humira (just took 3rd dose)and am wondering if some of what I’m feeling (fatigue/nausea/dizzy) is due to side effects. I’ve was only diagnosed about 6 months ago so It’s difficult to tell whether these symptoms are caused by the disease itself or the meds. But…tomorrow is another day!
Thank you again for your input Catherine! It does help.
MaiaYou're more than welcome,
! I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now 😥 This is all such a lot to take in and process over the space of six months. I haven't been on Humira but I know what you mean about being unsure of whether it's the disease or the meds causing symptoms! I wondered that a lot when I first started taking methotrexate, but as time's gone on it's now clearer to me what are side effects and what is the PsA (or completely unrelated). The process of starting on a new medication and waiting to see if it helps/causes issues can be exhausting. I hope you start to see some improvements with the Humira soon, and that the fatigue, nausea and dizziness pass.
Are you due to check in with your rheumatologist at some point about how you're getting on? Hoping today is kind to you! -Catherine, Community Moderator
, it's like you read my mind! I have a friend that texts several times a week about her plans for the day or what she'd accomplished that day. This is a woman driven by a "to do" list. I feel sort of sorry for her that she finds her value in DOING.
But as my PsA progresses, her texts are like a a thorn. I consider the day a win if I managed to run errands and make a meal without wanting to topple over.
I rarely tell her what my day holds because I imagine she is judging me and/or comparing our days. I fear that I will be found lacking in the accomplishment department.
She is now texting me less because I refuse to get caught up in her game of "look what I did today".
Maia, you have value, so much value, just for being you! And its the same for me. We are living as graciously as possible with a disease that few understand.
Thank you for your post. This topic has been on my mind too!
