Relationship Issues with PsA
Hi everyone. I've been suffering from PsA for about 4 years now and my relationship is starting to show signs of strain. I've been with my partner around 5 1/2 years so for a majority of the relationship we've been dealing with my health. We also have a year old baby boy.
The biggest issue I have at the moment is with intimacy. We're not having sex for a number of reasons. Joint pain in my wrists is a big one and general lack of desire and fatigue is another. I just don't have the drive I had before.
I think I have some symptoms of depression particularly withdrawal from social activities. I try to explain that to lose in a short space of time the ability to do a lot of what filled most of my free time (climbing, hiking, running) has really knocked me back and I'm not my best self. After 4 years of ups and downs I can't blame her for being tired. It's a burden I don't want her to have to carry but I don't see breaking up as an option. I don't want to be away from my child and we'd likely have to live apart in different countries if we did separate (I'm from the UK but we live in Spain). I want to be able to tend to her needs too but it's a struggle.
I've asked her to be patient and that the right medication could be right around the corner that could improve the whole situation. I'm due to start a biologic soon and I'm really pinning my hopes on that helping me return to at least close to normality.
Has anyone had a similar experience? How do you function together with your partner with the limitations you have? Any advice would be appreciated.
Once you get started on a biologic, things should look up for you. Be realistic in your expectations; don't expect a return to normal, but a new normal that is better than where you are presently. I would also say that you might dwell less on the things you've lost, your favorite activities and such, and focus on all the good still around you. It's difficult navigating relationship issues while suffering a painful chronic disease, even more so when you are so unsure about treatment outcomes. I found in my own marriage that I tended to take on the burden of my disease all on my own, not allowing my wife to share in it. I thought that by doing this I would be sparing her the same worry and stress I was going through. In reality, though, what she was seeing from me was just pain and anger, and she thought it had something to do with her. She knew I what I was going through, but couldn't understand it because I didn't share with her what my disease was doing to me on a daily basis. Once I did let her in, and allowed her to support me in this, it brought us back to a point in our marriage where we hadn't been for many years. Relationships are about sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly. All of it.
Thanks Eric. I try to talk to her about how I'm feeling at times but not all the time. I will try and share more with her but things are certainly very strained and there's a degree of mistrust on her part (I think sometimes she thinks I'm making up or exaggerating things).
Another problem we have is that we moved from the UK where we met to Spain where she's from and that's when the symptoms started. Since the pain started it has knocked my self-esteem a lot and I haven't really met any friends out here and therefore rely a lot on her for social interactions. We live in a smallish town which has great social networks if you're a kid or retired but anything in between it's very difficult to meet people. That coupled with the fact I can really commit to any club that does physical activity limits what's on offer for me further not to mention the language that I'm still getting to grips with. I'm a bit stuck and she really pushes the fact that I'm not socially active as a reason for my problems and general malaise although I feel I've exhausted all avenues.
Just a suggestion = ask her to look at the posts and comments on this board and other online resources to hopefully help her understand how PSA affects and impacts us and our relationships .
