The guilt is real

I’ve only been newly diagnosed with PsA but have had fatigue & psoriasis for years. My last partner would tell me I’m lazy and make me feel guilty for needing to nap during the day (I can still hear his damaging words echoing in my mind). The downhill spiral of my health began when I could no longer exercise without immediately feeling fatigued and body aches throughout my body. I would nap after workouts – the endorphin factor never worked for me. I never felt good after exercise, I still don’t. I put weight on, not a whole lot but enough for my ex to comment that I need to do something about it – so I did... I dumped his ass!

Working with a rheumatologist

After cutting him from my life, my health deteriorated, this is when the joint pain & enthesitis began. I was referred to a rheumatologist and commenced on methotrexate & folic acid as first-line therapy. This has helped a lot but I’m still in the early stages of finding my ‘sweet spot’ with treatment. I now know why my body is fatigued all the time, why my body hurts all the time.

I still feel guilty sometimes

I used to feel guilty because I would feel I’m wasting my life just sleeping. I still do a little. I hate that I can’t do what others can do. I hate when I forget things at work. I hate that I’m harsh on myself.

But on the days I can get up and do something, I do. I make those days count. I make those days quality days.