A Treatise to the Able-Bodied, Immunocompromised PsA Patient.
How delicious is the feeling of starting out on a trip with a best friend? To feel the wind outside of the windows in the freedom of spirit inside the car. The first bite of the new world we will explore will be full of flavor and vibrant as the Huntington Gardens in bloom.
We cannot be as carefree with PsA
How devastating to see your place taken by another, to see them all laughing and adventuring in the way you ache for. Your stand-in doesn’t have to worry about the content of the first bite, the first sip of water in a new land. That luxury of carefree trust in their environment is sickening because we don’t have that license.
Going to a new land is like dodging landmines or being an undercover agent, nothing is trustworthy, everything can hurt you. Whole swaths of the world become dangerous not because of their crime rate or weather, but because of the diseases that have yet to be eradicated, the purity of their water, and the different bacteria lurking in the corner waiting to give you food poisoning. This all becomes life and death, an extreme. Being immunocompromised and able-bodied is devastating; all spontaneity and plans of travel have to be curbed and adjusted, people need to be informed and everyone around you needs to be careful.
As I sit here, listening to the silence, no wind, I ache. As I see the posts of my best friend and my stand-in, I ache. But that’s what I want to do! That’s what I’ve always wanted to do! Why didn’t they ask me? I think the truth is that they didn’t know if I could do it. I don’t know that I can do it, not now and not so suddenly.
So I sit, write, plan, and wait for the wind.
Do you struggle with insomnia?