Breakdown with A Purpose

When I hear the word breakdown, I immediately think of something that is about to malfunction or break. I have said this more times than I can remember that my body is breaking down. I know that with having psoriatic arthritis that my cartilage tissue and joints are not cooperating with me anymore. This has made it difficult to walk or to do simple things. What I have learned is that there are many more types of breakdowns on this journey.

Spiritual breakdowns

There are spiritual breakdowns, mental breakdowns, and breakdowns from living with chronic pain. There were times that I felt like a victim and wanted to blame everyone for not being happy. I would always ask "why me" or "what did I do to deserve this?" Why didn’t I just turn that around to try and find ways to improve my life?

Physical breakdown

When I wake up and I’m all ready to start my day I can tell whether I will have a physical breakdown that day. I know when my body will not cooperate. For me when the physical body has its breakdown components and they are in full force, then I must watch out for the mental breakdown. My body starts to ache, and I get overly stressed out. This can bring on headaches, frustration, and anxiety. I try to take it one day at a time when this happens. When I’m in pain I like to downplay it. I can be in the worst pain ever and I will still say it’s not bad. The thing that scares me the most is that it could be worst and hurt worst. I don’t want to think about that at all.

How my breakdown benefits me?

Vulnerability is a benefit of a physical breakdown. It exposes me and helps me to know my purpose. Weakness is a sure way to break you down in your healing process. It allows me to see that I was stronger than I think I am. It allows me to know in all diseases we can find a purpose. My PsA gives me the motivation to be encouraging to someone else. It allows me when I am overwhelmed to rest and breathe in and breathe out. It allows me time to know myself and others who are in my circle.

I know my purpose

My purpose was to be a vocal and powerful force in the community of my disease. Psoriasis has been the breakdown that has brought me to my purpose. I have expanded my mind and I strive to find more benefits to my purpose and more purpose to my benefit. With every stiff joint and every curved joint and every moment, it hurts to move- I silently tell myself there is a purpose, there is hope, there is a future. My breakdown puts me in a place of purpose and mission accomplishment. I have always known there was a purpose, but I never knew they would show up in the breakdowns. The lessons have brought me through a powerful journey that helps me day to day. I know that living with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis can be overwhelming, but it's how I look at the whole situation that teaches me to be patient. Without a purpose in the breakdown, there is no purpose of that illness.

Going forward

What happens in my life and my future is up to me. When I’m in a flare I try not to complain but to make the best out of a bad situation. Ask yourself what can I do to make myself feel better? What can I learn from this? I refuse to be a victim and be in my own misery. The truth is that I know I’m either going to get worse or get better. The one thing I do know is that I can’t make myself well immediately, so why make myself miserable by complaining?

Life is what it is; life. We must start with a great attitude and be with a network of supporters around us. We know we will face frustrations and challenges with this disease. They will come, we just have to be aware of how to respond to them. When we face unfriendly circumstances, you can respond in a breakdown or a breakthrough manner. I hope you choose and practice breakthrough thinking.