Overcoming Chronic Illness Doubts
Throughout the entire painful process of searching for an official diagnosis, a reason for pain, I was questioned by so many people. Questions as if my pain and my symptoms are just made up. Sometimes, I’d get offended, and I’d speak up. However, most of the time, I just kept quiet, and I try my best not to let it affect me.
The questions of self-doubt
In my everyday life as a chronically ill person, I have always wrestled with self-doubts. Not only as to my capabilities but even when it comes to my illness. Since I started struggling with chronic pain, a day has not passed by that I did not ask myself the following questions...
Is it all in my head?
If people could only realize that before I even say something about my pain, I have questioned and doubted myself so many times already. Even if I try my best to understand that their intentions are good, I can’t hide the fact that their words are more painful than what I’m going through.
If this is all in my head, do they really think I’d choose this for myself? If I have the chance to choose, this is definitely not the life that I would ask for.
Am I being a burden to my loved ones?
One of the constant thoughts that I had was that I was becoming so much of a burden to my family and my friends. I didn’t want people tiptoeing around me. It makes me uncomfortable to know that people are worrying so much about me.
This eventually made me refuse to seek help from others, even when I need it. I thought it would be better to go through this on my own instead of bothering others, especially when I know they have their own struggles too.
Am I doing my best?
When you are chronically ill, your best is different every day. One day your best could mean being productive; at times, it could mean staying in bed all day.
As a person who is used to living a fast-paced life, it was difficult for me to accept that doing the bare minimum is my best for the day, and I deserve credit for surviving it in addition to having to deal with so much pain.
Am I just lazy and making excuses?
Probably, this is one of the most common doubts that linger in the minds of people who suffer from chronic illness. Oftentimes, people judge us for using our sickness as an excuse not to do things.
What's difficult, however, is that you start to question yourself too. You constantly try your best to push yourself to your perceived limits just to prove yourself, even when it's no longer necessary.
Psoriatic arthritis does not define my worth
What’s frustrating about being doubted is the fact that I started doubting myself too. It came to the point that I tried my best not to complain unless I couldn’t really take the pain anymore. Every day, I wrestle with these aforementioned doubts revolving around my illness and my worth as a person.
However, I try my best to overcome them by constantly telling myself that I will always be enough and worthy of love despite being chronically ill.
This or That
Do you also find it painful to sit for extended periods of time?
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