Hitting a Mental Wall With Psoriatic Arthritis

By Vickie Wilkerson

2 min read

I am struggling, my friends. Saying that out loud isn't easy. Life with psoriatic arthritis isn't always sunshine and roses - and today, it's definitely lightening and weeds. I have so much going on in my personal life that is keeping my body in constant pain.

I am at a point where I feel like I am not accomplishing anything. I feel like I can’t get a handle on anything. I have gone through so much this past year, and this pain I am feeling is more than I can manage. It takes up my every thought. I can’t concentrate on anything. It is the worst it has ever been - it's all-encompassing.

How stress impacts my psoriatic arthritis

Stress is one of my biggest triggers. My neck and shoulders feel like I can bust bricks on them. My lower back feels like it is being squeezed in a vice. I have no control over who is turning the handles to make it squeeze harder.

Sleep pattern - what is that? I do not sleep well, so every day when I wake up, I am already tired, and the day has not even started yet.

All of us go through this phase, and yes, I call it a phase. I know that these pressures and anxieties will eventually phase out, and I can begin a version of stress-free living again. That sounds crazy, right? Well, I don’t think so.

So much of what I see is out of my control.

I have started using meditation, which only helps temporarily. Right after I achieve some version of calm, something comes along to put my body in the same stress response I've worked so hard to neutralize.

My house is a mess, which drives me nuts. I am very particular about my house, but my body hurts so bad I just don’t have the energy or willpower to do anything. That within itself puts my mental state on haywire. So much of what I see is out of my control.

Speaking of control, I don’t feel like I have any control over anything, including my psoriatic arthritis. I haven't found a successful treatment or any semblance of pain relief. Living with psoriatic arthritis is so hard.

A gentle reminder to prioritize my wellness

I have a great support system, but sometimes it feels like I am battling psoriatic arthritis by myself. Most of the time, I can listen to music to help make me less tense, but I'm currently not finding solace in this approach.

I was recently told that even when we are being inactive, we are being active. I never looked at it that way. Self-care with this disease is so important. I forgot that key piece of information.

Whoa. I have been pushing so hard and drowning in personal stuff that I forgot to take care of myself. I am the one feeling the effects of not resting and letting my mind stay so congested. Why is it that we tend to forget that we are the ones who pay the ultimate price when we let everything get the best of us?

I had to be reminded that self-care is what is needed now. I hope that it reminds you also. Now it’s time to be inactive and rest, which is still active. It’s a version of self-care, and it's important.

This or That

Do you also find it painful to sit for extended periods of time?

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carolinagirl Member
Oh, Vickie, I feel your pain and frustration. As I read your article, I wondered if I had actually written it! We are in the same place. My home is also a wreck, sleep is elusive, and pain abounds. I accomplish little more than getting dinner on the table every day. Thank you for the reminder for self-care. It's so hard to give TLC to a body that I'm so angry with! Meditation does help, but I wish it helped more. I also don't know how we're supposed to get quality sleep. I take muscle relaxants and a sleep formula CBD capsule before bed. I helps me get to sleep but doesn't keep me there long enough. I'm considering finding a therapist to help me deal with all of this. Maybe that would help you, too? Maybe someone in this community has pointers for finding the right one? Hugs to you, Vickie! I hope it helps you knowing that there are others who feel the same, Linda
1. Fifis Member
 <inline-mention username="carolinagirl" user-id="3296657"/> you both have written exactly how I feel at the moment ...then to top it all I've contracted covid I cant go out so only can have been brought in by my husband and he has had no signs of having had it ! I empathize with you both sending gentle hugs 
2. Vickie Wilkerson Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Fifis" user-id="4532016"/> thank you. I hope you get better soon from CoVid. How dreadful. Sending gentle hugs...vickie
Mary Lynn Member
 Vickie, I'm adding my support for this season in your life! I know that "tight space" in life feeling where in spite of our best efforts, everything is out of our control. Even the dust! I have piles of it here too 😀 I admire you for recognizing that the road back starts with good self care. That's very wise. I should make a note for my mirror or fridge that says "Did you take care of you today?" The answer is too often "nope". Wishing you less pain, more sleep, and elves that dust 😀 
1. Vickie Wilkerson Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Mary Lynn" user-id="4513411"/> oh my goodness thank you so much for the response. I could not imagine the response I have received. It's so hard at times but your response makes it easier. Gentle hugs sent your way....Vickie
CommunityMember88a314 Member
Hi community forum, You might have a suggestion or a solution of how to manage PA of the shoulder. My partner is constantly in pain with PA in his right shoulder. Cortisone injection has not helped. I think there is structural damage to the shoulder and pain, stiffness and inflammation does not seem to go away. Has anyone got a similar experience and can share there management plan? Suri 7.11.22
1. Lori.Foster Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="CommunityMember88a314" user-id="6648166"/>. My apologies for the late reply. You question somehow got overlooked. Has he ever had an MRI or xrays? If there is damage to the joint, he might be a candidate for surgical repair or joint replacement. Cortisone injections can bring down swelling and reduce pain, but they won't reverse any damage that has already occurred. Has he already tried physical therapy or seen an orthopedic doctor? I hope he gets some relief. Best wishes. - Lori (Team Member)
Tisbadger Member
Vicki, you are so not alone. You’ve voiced the exact way many of us are feeling right now, or have felt exactly what you are going through at some point. Pain is hideous, it’s a dark monster that consumes us internally and that battle of good over evil is constant, as we all know. A quiet mind, a stress free life is such a hard thing to achieve, worsened by stress triggering more pain, the very thing you are trying to control - thus, a vicious circle ensues. I think what we all need to embrace is that being still is not bad. Sitting and healing isn’t doing nothing, being still is not failing. If you think of those healing times as a positive thing then maybe they become easy to deal with. A healing break is productive, allowing our bodies to recharge is necessary. We don’t consider putting fuel in our cars as a negative thing, so we should all try not to think of fuelling our bodies as negative. I’ve had a nice day today, I’m now crippled with pain - paying the price, so the kitchen can wait to be cleaned, the washing can wait until the morning because right now my job is to be still. Sending you healing thoughts and gentle hugs. 
1. Lori.Foster Community Admin
 What a wonderful perspective, <inline-mention username="Tisbadger" user-id="6652959"/>! I am sure it will bring Vicki comfort. Thanks for chiming in. Wishing you the best. - Lori (Team Member)