Responding to "If You Have Arthritis, Then How..."

When I was in school, we learned how to write hypotheses before starting experiments in science class. Whether testing the durability of paper towels, building rockets, or mixing chemicals, we always had to put our predictions in a specific if-then form: If I make my paper airplane more narrow, then it will fly faster.

I never expected to hear this form of prediction again once I finished all my science credits. But maybe that was unwise. I must've forgotten learning from The Magic School Bus that science is everywhere, and anyone could be a scientist.

And I'm reminded every time I get hit with an "if you have arthritis, then how can you do x, y, or z" statement.

The ignorant expectations of others

These hypotheses sometimes feel like accusations. If I have chronic pain, then how can I do certain activities but not others? If I want to get better, then why don't I do whatever diet or exercise is trending? It seems that if I don't meet others' expectations of life with chronic pain due to an autoimmune disease, then they feel the need to question me and get proof.

Being open about my experiences... to a point

I've been willingly writing and talking about my experiences living with arthritis since I was a teen, hoping to spread awareness. But sometimes, I feel like I'm an arthritis advocate non-stop.

I get hit with these questions and feel the need to explain that people with arthritis all have different limits and abilities - and sometimes, they vary for each person day by day. But there are lots of times I want to hit people with "it's none of your business."

While I love to answer questions out of genuine concern or curiosity, certain questions with doubting tones get to me. Even with thick skin, it can be hard to cope. I resent deeply personal questions like "if you have so much pain, then how are you able to work?" or "if you have arthritis, then how can you be a parent one day?"

Our lifestyles don't need to be scrutinized by anyone

I often recite quick facts. That many people with arthritis are great parents and have careers and move on. I may even quickly mention the broad spectrum of disabilities this disease can cause.

In the heat of the moment, I want to snap and tell them I keep working because most days I enjoy it, plus I don't have much choice. Or I want to spam them with photos of me holding my little cousins and nephew without any issue. But I don't react that way. Ultimately, those things aren't anyone else's business but my own.

Unlike my sixth-grade scientific theory about which paper towel brand is the strongest, our conditions don't need theorizing or proof. Our lifestyles don't need to be scrutinized by anyone.

Never feel obligated

If you feel the need to share and advocate, I think that's great! The more awareness we can spread, the better in the long run. You can talk to others about PsA at the moment or share articles on your social media for all to see later- it's up to you. But it's totally up to you.

Our world is already scrutinizing enough towards those with health problems; we constantly have to justify our needs to insurance companies, judges for disability hearings, and even our doctors.

Never feel obligated to owe anyone an explanation, especially if they seem to have their mind made up.