Grief and Psoriatic Arthritis

Have you had to battle grief while having PsA? I am. My father recently passed away. Even though we were aware of his failing health, it was still a huge shock.

Did you know that there is a period of grieving that is called the transition of loss? This is the time frame when people are affected by grief for the first few months. For people with autoimmune issues, it is when you are more susceptible to becoming sick. I am experiencing this right now.

Death can be a shock

My family chose to take care of our father at home. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and dementia. He was already a type 2 diabetic. There were three of us kids who took turns with him in shifts. 

He begin having heart rhythm issues suddenly. He passed within 48 hours. It was a surprise for my family and me. Suddenly, there was a mix of emotions.

Apparently, I had the start of a sinus infection about a month ago. I ignored the infection while taking care of my dad, thinking that it had gone away.

Unfortunately, it did not go away and was slowly getting worse. My infection is sneaky.

The impact of grief on PsA

Once the grief hit I found myself exhausted physically and mentally. My sinus area in my cheeks and above my eyes are sore.

My first thoughts were that the pain was from frequently crying. My mind is transitioning over to the idea that my dad is no longer with us. Though we knew it was happening, none of us thought it would be so sudden.

I am finding my grief coming in waves. Sometimes, I feel like I got this. Other times, he is my daddy, and I am "Squirt." That is or was Dad's nickname for me, as I was the youngest of his 5 children.

Stage 1 grief

By day two of grieving, I noticed the pain in my face was affecting my teeth. This is about the time that my headaches started getting worse.

During the transition of loss, there are several stages. I do not feel like I am in denial. While I am thinking about this stage of loss, I realize that my denial seems to be about the moments up to his actual passing.

The plan we were thinking would happen had not. I had guilt about his death not being as smooth as we had hoped.

Stage 2 grief

Now that my 2 brothers and my sister are with me, there is plenty of reminiscing. Walking through the house, it's hard not to see my dad sitting in his chair. We are all dealing with the feeling of trying to navigate without him. 

The house seems emptier. My life seems like it has all this extra time.  My body is achy. I feel like I could just sleep for a few days, and I am just so tired. 

Still going through some crying. Yet I am grateful for the 91 years my dad was here. Knowing that his grandkids and great-grandchildren got to meet him is a comfort. 

At this point, it is a week since his passing. My third oldest brother has to return to his home in Tennessee. My oldest brother and my sister are here.

We lost my second brother in 2010. Even that loss seems bigger with both mom and dad gone.

My mind is accepting that there is going to be a new normal now. I feel worn out. Tomorrow is the first day I will be able to sleep in and try to relax my mind and body. This part is all a part of stage 2. 

Stage 2 of transitioning loss comes and goes for me. I know that my dad is gone and that we will adjust, but sometimes I wonder how.

After sleeping in late, I woke to find that my nose and sinuses were hurting more than they had. I am stuffed up, and my face is swollen. I am in my pajamas sort of coasting through life. I decide to get up and get dressed and find that my underarms hurt. 

Stage 3 grief

Today is the day I am going to go to the doctor. I feel like I am definitely sick, so I will make an appointment.

My aches in my body are now just pain in my back and joints. I sound like a semi-squeaking cartoon character when I talk. My thoughts are all about resting.

As I speak with my doctor, he tells me that I have a bad sinus infection. I am given a strong antibiotic and decongestant. 

As the next couple of days pass, I don't feel better. I am sleeping all the time and I start thinking I am getting worse.

It's hot outside, and when I go out, I can hardly breathe, which is alarming, so I schedule another appointment. My thoughts are of my parents telling me I need to "take care of myself."

My doctor comes in, and we talk. I tell her what's going on, and she tells me that although the medicine works really well, my infection is bad. It has spread through my body.

Oh, the joy of PsA and sickness! Another case is that it does not heal easily and has complications.

She asked if I was under stress, and I told her about my dad. She tells me that I am in transition of loss.

Her treatment plan is to change antibiotics for another round. I am given strict instructions to rest with fluids. She told me to eat well and report back in 3 to 5 days so she could decide if the plan was working. 

At this point I am in day 2 of this plan. My goal is to avoid hospitalization.

For now I am working on me. The family and I are doing a celebration of life planning, but I am being good and following directions.