How To Tell Your Significant Other You Are Getting Worse?

By Diane T

3 min read

I walked into the grocery store the other day and couldn’t move because the pain was so sharp in my leg; that it just stopped me cold. It wasn’t the pain that bothers me as much as thinking about how I would tell my happy-go-lucky husband, who is carefree and wants to travel the world when we retire that I might not be able to make that journey with him. This made me very sad. We have been together for 25 years and I never thought that I would ever be left behind.

Twenty-five years and counting

My husband has known about my illness since day one. He has always been my number one advocate and has been with me all the way. I have always been open and honest with him and have never thought about keeping anything from him, but just the idea of thinking that one day I might not be able to move on with him actually scares me. How will this change our relationship? I am taking more and more pain pills just to keep up. What will happen when the pills stop working? Will he understand and still be there for me? Remember, they say 60 is the new 40; could I get traded in for a younger and healthier me?

How my husband helps me

My husband has always been understanding and has never wanted to fix me. He has always loved me and been by my side over the years. He understands when I can’t get out of bed or when my medication doesn’t work. He cooks, cleans and makes life easier for me. He has always been patient.

One thing I have learned over the years is to listen. I did tell him how I was feeling and my concerns about getting worse. I met my husband when I was in my 30’s; I am now in my 60’s. We as women have so much social pressure put on us. We have to have great jobs and be excellent moms while we are sick and let’s not mention we have to be perky, young and pretty.

Communicating with my husband when I'm struggling

I had to look deep inside myself so I could tell my husband what was going on with me. I didn’t want to freak him out or upset him unnecessarily. I had to calm myself and be strong. I know that deep in my heart my husband will love me no matter what. We have gotten through rough times before and will do it again.

Just listen

I know I had to be honest with him and put it all on the table. I didn’t want to hold anything back and then have it come back to haunt me later. We have always had a good relationship and I didn’t want to lose this. I know that this is my clue to stop talking and just listen to what he has to say. I believe he has the right to express how he feels also and he did. My husband told me that he will always love me and will always be by my side. He said we will always share our time together whether I’m sick or not.

Trying to see the positive side of having PsA

There are days I struggle more with my health and my doctors just give me more drugs to take. I told my husband I didn’t know how I could move on with being sick all the time. For years I have used my illness to help others in any way I could. As my husband told me; we are all fighting battles of some sort. My significant other sees the positive with me having psoriatic arthritis.

I am learning what makes me happy. Psoriatic arthritis has taught me that I have an incredible support system and a great husband. These are people who want to help and support me. This disease reminds me every day that I’m not healthy, but it also reminds me to continue to do my best with my husband by my side on this long journey.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Psoriatic-Arthritis.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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annie Member
Very good article I think this person feels like I do I was afraid my hubby would not understand me being sick also.But he is very understanding about most thing. thank you Lord
1. Diane T Moderator & Contributor
 Hi Annie, The other person is my husband. I was the one that was afraid. I'm not sure why. I knew he would understand. We are lucky to have spouses who do get it. Take care, Diane
bmk1 Member
Beautifully written story. It has resonated with me. My other half is very fit and healthy for a man in his late 40’s. I on the other hand am quite the opposite and I do fear that our dreams, hopes and aspirations that we started out with over 20 years ago will not come to fruition because of my PsA. Even with active treatment, as the years have gone by my physical abilities are gradually decreasing and I am afraid that one day I will not be able to venture with him on his travels. I suppose I too have to sum up the courage to have this very same conversation. Hopefully I will have a positive experience like you and we can both continue to support each other as we have done for last two decades.
prorenata Member
Diane your story mirrors mine to the letter. I know exactly about the stopping in your tracks pain that comes out of nowhere like a bolt of lightning. Sometimes gasping and people look at me like I've lost it. I have more down time than up and sleep is erratic. I will have plans to do something and by the time I'm ready to go I'm too exhausted or in too much pain, or both, to go. My husband is very understanding but I oftentimes see his disappointment in the situation when I tell him I just can't do it today. I don't have good pain control and I'm taking minimal pain meds. They work as long as I don't do anything. Even normal activities of bathing and dressing are impacted and I have to will myself to get it done. Thank you for sharing Diane.