Caring for Others When You Have Psoriatic Arthritis

Sometimes, life just happens. Loved ones get sick. Friends lose their jobs. Distance makes relationships difficult. There are things that happen in our lives that are outside our control that require extra energy, both mentally and physically.

Living with psoriatic arthritis

Just because we live life every day with a chronic illness, that doesn’t mean that life doesn’t continue to in its natural course all around us.

Yes, we are the center of our own universe, but we can’t get a little too caught up in our own pain. It's during this time when we fail to notice when others need our help as well. So I suppose my question is, how can we help others when it seems like we have so little left to offer?

How do we find the strength to care for others?

Well, it reminds me of a story I once heard about heaven and hell. In heaven, everyone was sitting around a large table, overflowing with all the wonderful food in the world. There was plenty for everyone. But all they had were forks and spoons that were too long to use. Despite this, everyone was happy, smiling, and well-fed.

In hell, the scene was the same. It had the same large table, overflowing with all the wonderful food in the world. Here there was also plenty to eat and the same forks and spoons that were too long to use. But in hell, everyone sat around the same table, angry, underfed, and malnourished. So what was the difference? In heaven, they used the long forks and spoons to feed each other.

We take the time and the effort to feed others, and we too will be fed.

Ways to care for others when living with psoriatic arthritis

We hope that when we are having a flare when our joints are screaming and we can’t get out of bed, that loved ones will be able to offer their help and support. But do we offer the same in return? If so, how? The simple answer is we just do.

We show up at the hospital. Make meals. Offer transportation for appointments. Call and send cards. But the reality is that the energy to do the right thing has to come from somewhere. So how do we manage to take care of others, while still taking care of ourselves?

Determine what must be done and what can wait

This one can be a particularly difficult one. It is hard for me to leave the laundry, dishes, and other daily chores of my life undone. Everything gets backed up and I know that eventually, it will be quite a mountain to tackle.

However, something has to go. I can’t do it all and my loved ones need me more than the daily chores do (at this moment anyway). Energy is a precious commodity, choose where it goes wisely.

Restore yourself before restoring others

15 minutes here or 10 minutes there, finding quiet moments is a must. Breathe and stretch. Stretch and breathe. Even if it means ignoring some of the daily life chores, take some moments for yourself to relax and refill your own cup of energy.

Take a moment when you get home from helping others, to help yourself. Take an epsom salt bath, journal your thoughts for the day, or just sit and say a quick prayer for strength and peace.

Set alarms and reminders

While you are busy caring for others, it can be easy to forget to take your meds. Times to take my meds are spread throughout the day and each has its own “rules.” Take with food, take on an empty stomach, take 1 hour before bedtime. It’s a lot to remember on a “normal” day, and even more difficult on trying days.

I know it seems like a relatively simple thing to remember to do, but a “Hey Siri, set my medicine alarm for noon,” can keep your body from going into full-on flare mode. I’ll admit, lately, I think I talk to Siri more than I talk to my hubby.

Balance self-care and caring for others

You know, we spend a great deal of time accepting the help and support of those that love us. We tend to get focused on our own needs and on our own pain, and we forget that the world continues to spin on its axis for everyone else is in the world.

Sometimes we have to take a step back, especially when those we love are in need, and try to balance self-care with caring for others. Learn to feed others and you too will be fed.