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Invisible Illness

Psoriatic Arthritis is invisible. No one really sees it. Oh, if we have the rashes and plaques, well yes, people see. I have been spared that travesty, I am so sorry for people having that on top of joint inflammation.

Living with PSA, it feels like a curse. No one really understands unless they are living it. My husband, he sees me daily and he understands….I do believe he does and he is always helpful but I know he dreads coming home — coming home to the same movie that plays over and over. I am always sick. Every day I see a rerun for me, nothing is working, 8 trials of medications, gluten free, dairy free, alcohol-free…fun free….It is an endless search to release this invisible demon that has taken over my immune system. So are a lot of people with this disease. It’s not going away. I wish I could run away from me.

There are some days that are better than some but they are so fleeting that you become hardened because you know that the weather, stress, foods, something will take it away.

Every day my chores are there, ready to be tackled and every night when the day is over they are still there. I can’t seem to find the strength, I always hurt. Pain is always present but if anyone would drop by they would wonder, why can’t she tidy up her house? She doesn’t look sick. They may say—-Why don’t you try turmeric? It helps with pain. Cut out sugar, you will feel better, on and on, just start walking you will lose the weight. No. I can’t. It’s not that I won’t, I can’t. I am tired of explaining. That is why we feel so isolated because we don’t want to explain anymore. I do walk with a cane so people know a little but it is not what we want to talk about, we want this disease to retreat. Aside from my new crooked posture the rest is invisible. I feel invisible, sometimes I want to be invisible because everything is hard now. This illness is me now. I am defined by my disease.

I hope someday there will be an answer to why PSA is so debilitating and I will benefit from it with everyone else that is suffering silently.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • bubu
    10 months ago

    This is so true!! I live in condo community. More peeps, more opinions, and I know their eyes roll here she comes!! Family, thinks gluten free should do it with exercise! Recently, I barely bumped my shin which turned into a hematoma, following skin infections (Cellulitis) it is so painful.

  • Rackmani
    1 year ago

    Yes it can be a bummer. When in an exacerbation I long for a remission. Totally relate to your description of trying to find answers and other people’s comments.
    Keep up the fight!


  • Eileen B moderator
    1 year ago

    It saddens me to hear the defeat in your voice, AuntJana. I totally get it, though — the chronic pain and fatigue turns your life upside down, stealing joy. I’m sure it’s no surprise to you that mood changes are common symptom in people with PsA. Have you ever discussed reducing your anxiety with a doctor as part of your PsA treatment plan? I’m glad you found us, I hope you find our community comforting and supportive. Hugs. -Eileen, Team

  • Doeeyes
    1 year ago

    Hi there. Thank you to those who have posted about their pain. I’ve been in this battle with PSA for 43 years and just to know you understand is so comforting. 15 months ago I had knee replacement and afterward my PSA has gone through the roof. The knee was a failure not because of the new joint but because of my muscles tendons and ligaments connected to that joint. It has ravished my entire body at a whole new level with swelling and pain. I am now in a wheelchair in the house just so I can get the simplest of things done. I live by myself. The other morning I woke up to a bird outside my window just singing away. I immediately said out loud, “Lord, help me to wake up like that bird and sing from my heart!” There is more to us than this disease. Keep looking up and reaching out for help and understanding. My husband gave up on me after 30 years, but you know what, that’s on him. I believe if we suffer we are to comfort others with love and understanding that we have learned through our pain and suffering. So, thank you again. Please keep sharing.

  • AuntJana author
    1 year ago

    Doeeyes ~~

    Thank you for your note, just knowing we’re not alone is comforting. It is very isolating. I’m sorry you have to depend upon yourself for everything, you must be a strong willed lady.

    I wish you good health and hope for you that the swelling decreases.

    Take care and God Bless you.

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